Wholeheartedness 2.0

Being wholehearted. It's one of those terms that seem to keep popping up when I read recently, though I'm not sure how exactly it is defined. I interpret is as being sincere, genuine, and putting your whole self into "it", whatever "it" may be (hopefully not the horror clown).

In learning this term, I find myself reflecting a lot on wholeheartedness in relationships; not just romantic ones, but friendship, family or even acquaintances. If there's one thing this year has thought me, is that relationships between humans have the power to break you, but it could also be the one thing that lifts you. As a matter of fact, not just human relationships but also one with a higher spiritual being whoever your God may be to you. Connection is so intriguing, particularly positive connections.

In relationships, I find myself with an either-or dichotomy; I either don't put any effort, or if I put any effort, it's going to be every ounce of effort I can find and make. As  far as dichotomies go, they never work that well because the world is in shades of gray (more than 50 shades I'm sure), so I learn that being wholehearted could mean giving it all at whatever level it is. Take for example, acquaintances, we often think that it's not necessary to put in so much effort, because the relationship does not reflect the closeness we desire. But as I've learnt, even short positive connections which can only happen once, like a smile to a stranger on a street or a chat with the girl in the train next to you, can leave you (and probably the other person) full of joy. It doesn't matter if you've never met before, it doesn't matter if you won't meet again, what matters is in that moment, you were wholeheartedly connecting at whatever level you are comfortable with. If you're a more private person, disclose less, if you feel comfortable, disclose more - the authenticity is what matters. I used to think that since I'm not going to see the person again, then why bother putting in so much effort, why the need to put myself "out there". Yet, I'm beginning to realise that sometimes we may only have that one chance to speak into a person's life, or better still, let someone speak into our life. How do we do it if not by giving all we have in that moment wholeheartedly?

Things get more complicated with long term relationships. Whether friendships or romantic partners, we have all been hurt. And the very thought of having a preceding history can be a burden to give it all again, simply because there is the expectation and the fear that this wholeheartedness will not be reciprocated, that history will repeat itself. The alternative though, is that what you had can be the hope that there is a chance for everything to be alright again. It's hard to put in your whole heart when it's been wounded before, I mean, is that even a whole heart to be put into again? Which is why first loves, lost loves tend to take a part of our heart we perceive to never be returned - the first stab is always the hardest. I'm quite sure we can all remember our first loves, or if not, the first time we actually had a close friend hurt our heart. And the most common question that follows is, can we love again? Like with that 100% we started with, in any of the relationships we have with any human that comes after this loss?

While I don't have any scientific reference, haha, I think wholeheartedness works this way. Yes, a part of your heart/memory/mind/whatever bits will remain with the person you love/care/lost. And yes, it's a part which probably can't be returned, recreated whatsoever. But no, it does not have to be a negative consequence that affect every other relationships that come after. If we consider that we only have 100% of a heart in whatever form, and with each hurt, a part gets hacked away, and we're only left with that little to love those that well, came late in the queue. Yet, what if our heart is infinite? And the love we can give is infinite? And each time we love, hurt, lost, heal, we are still are infinitely whole in a different form (still a 100% if you really need to put a number to this)? This different form can include the past, or not include the past, that is entirely your process. I vouch for including the past, and melding it as part of future.
Like playing plasticine, when you have a red bit broken off the colourful lump of heart, it's difficult to mould it exactly into its spot again. Nevertheless, we can still mould it in, just in a different form.We are still who we were, are and will be, just with upgraded versions.

Wholeheartedness again. Wholeheartedness 2.0. 3.0. 4.0 n.0

If we just look at how we cared and got hurt from caring, and how it chips away bits and pieces of us that never come back, and that we are forever left un-whole, we will never be able to be wholehearted.

I like this sentence; "Remember, those things will never happen again but they cannot unhappen" The past happened, we wholeheartedly let it happen once, so it won't unhappen itself just cause it no longer happens anymore. But we can let new things happen, whether it will repeat what has happened it a story of the future.

Right now, it's being wholeheartedly savouring, and graciously accepting the blessings in your life.

(Image source: http://asset1.itsnicethat.com/system/files/102012/508a494f5c3e3c2e2200b24d/img_col_4/LIST.jpg?1351242137)

Break one off, connect it to the other and reconnect.

I've got a couple of videos here that sorta-kinda relates to being wholehearted, haha because they revolve around some theme of a journey in relationships.

The first is "The Last"  (no pun intended) by Wong Fu productions which I think would have been talked to death by now. Personally, I really looked forward to it after watching the trailer and I was not disappointed. Really enjoyed the play on the concept of Wh-words; gave the story dimension. Wholeheartedness was captured in the video because even though she was the 6th person, she encapsulated everything. Whether or not the previous 5 only encapsulated one aspect of his life or more is open to debate. And I hope that every person, guy or girl who utters such words of such weight, holds on to the meaning wholeheartedly.

The next two videos are perhaps somewhat in opposition with each other in terms of story line. "The Last Part" had a happier ending where two people who were in a journey together, had an end together while "Say Goodbye" also touched on another long journey between two people, but well, it was a less happy ending at least from most fairytale perspectives, hehe. Again, being wholehearted means to be to be so in the entire journey however long, or short, whatever the ending may be.

As a matter of fact, I think that was described very well in the Director's notes for "The Last Part" and I quote "good things are always worked for, cared for and preserved". Wholeheartedly.

I didn't write this to promote any videos, though I think they all deserve massive credits. It was just an amazing coincidence or blessing rather, that I came across all 3 as I was thinking of this particular topic close to my heart.

And Danielle LaPorte once said "The antidote to exhaustion is not rest, it's wholeheartedness"

You ready for wholehearted 2.0? =)

"What's worth doing even if I fail?" - Brene Brown

The quote was the crux of her learning when she wrote "Daring Greatly", her latest published book which is incidentally the book I just finished reading. What can I say?

I loved it.

Initially I was hesitant in buying it because I'm not a big fan of fiction books, more so those that are categorised under "self-help". My previous experience with such books often leave me rolling eyes at the "steps" a person needs to take to help themselves. While I don't deny that we sometimes need to have more concrete suggestions in developing ourselves, I am not fond of the notion that 7 steps will fit everyone and we will all achieve happiness. I like books that have a certain level of tangibility; yet it is conceptual so you are given space to reflect on how you can have these concepts fit your life. My brother gave an analogy of an "amoeba" where you take learnings from the book as they fit into your life. After all, a self-help book is what it is, you help yourself.

Though I'm not sure if I can call this a self-help book per se; it's not an easily categorised book. As a matter of fact, it feels like a dissertation paper/academic journal but in a way more reader-friendly manner - a story. And I guess that subsumes the book, it's a story about courage, shame, vulnerability and life around these concepts. While it does not have protagonists, antagonists, climax and the likes, the flow of the book was good, and I find myself looking forward to reading it. Basically it flows from her definition of vulnerability based on the research of shame, to myths of vulnerability, challenges to vulnerability, why daring greatly helps with authentic living and how we can live daring greatly. These are not direct reflections of the chapters, but what I perceive the themes of the chapters to be

As mentioned, the main themes revolve around the ideas of courage, authenticity and vulnerability in various areas of life such as work, parenting, community. I really enjoy how she puts forth what vulnerability is and is not. As a matter of fact, I salute her for putting in her research perspective in the final chapter so we can understand the journey of her research and see her perspective, something I find highly honourable as someone who also does research. It's way more ethical (and comforting) to know that someone is honest with their perspective and lets you into it, so you can understand how these concepts come about. 

There are so many learnings to be taken from this book, I feel like I have to keep re-reading it because I can't hold it all in my mind. A few key ones I really loved:

1) Culture of scarcity, of never enough; that's her description of our culture. We are always looking for something else, being somewhere else, heck, we wake up in the morning and the first thing on our mind is "not enough sleep" - great way to start the day huh? While the book does not say that all desire should be diminished, it does highlight how we live in an age where nothing is ever good enough, and always striving to be good enough makes us feel vulnerable, yet vulnerable itself is not good enough. See the negative self-reinforcing cycle?

2) What vulnerability is not; we often think that vulnerability is a bare-it-all-out-expose yet she describes in her book how vulnerability is for those who earned the right for it. Also, how bare-it-all-out-expose could be the exact opposite of vulnerability and is actually a defensive armour for one's vulnerability. I really felt this concept at heart because I strongly believe in building trust and to feel "reinforced" by this concepts makes me feel like I am like any normal human.

3) How both men and women are ultimately human, and we all deal with shame. I liked how she saw courage, vulnerability and shame as human, not gender, age, or other demographics often used to categorise people. And she describes how attack of women against women, or women against men are just some of many ways we use to protect our vulnerability. In an age where feminist movement is roaring, I personally find that certain movements reduce the humanness across gender, battering men as opposites rather than comrades in battle. While I still disagree with the large gender gap prominent in our culture, her focus on humans as opposed to gender makes this a more wholesome concept.

4) Disengagement arises from gaps between our aspirational values and practiced values. The basic gist is "We can't give people what we don't have. Who we are matters immeasurably more than what we know or who we want to be" (pg. 177). I think this was a very human concept. We are not necessarily bad, or stupid, or imperfect. We all have the values we aspire to practice but often we don't practice them when the time comes. For example; we may aspire to practice Honesty & Integrity but then when it comes to a situation testing our truthfulness, we rationalize and let things slide. Such gaps can create disengagement not only within ourselves, but also those who see us live life like that. 

Of course, there are plenty of other learnings, which I think would be reflected best when one reads the book. It helps that she puts in some funny stories and puns (Harry Potter was prominent), sincere stories about her own struggle with shame and vulnerability. It's not life-changing, but more of everyday life situations which I feel is more relatable for people like me (and you perhaps).

In general, I really liked the book. I felt it was wholesome, covered ground of skepticism that people like me would poke holes at and provide much new knowledge. Nevertheless, as I mentioned before, it's more conceptual, so don't expect 7 habits to improve but she does provide questions which the reader can reflect on to understand their stance and certain concepts to be incorporated into life to dare greatly. And I think questions are often sufficient to get people to balance between guidance from new knowledge and acting on their own feet. 

Overall, I think this is a worthy book to pick up, and it's about humans and connection, something we can all relate too. Also, if you're not keen on the book, here's her TED Talk on Vulnerability, which has been one of my favourite TED talks by far. Finally, kudos to Brene Brown for her perseverance in this research, hats off to trusting your research so much and adding knowledge to the world.

(Image source: http://tedconfblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/daringgreatly_final525-resized-600.png)

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

She was in Budapest (Pt. 2)

Day 3

Parliament

Fisherman Bastion

Walking tour in Buda (Castle District) - free with Budapest card

Gellert Hill

Cave Chapel

Vaci Utca

Heros Square (Hosok Tere)

Nipped into the city centre early, particularly the Parliament since it was the commemoration day and we wanted to see the celebrations. Nothing much really, as it was mainly speeches and a parade of soldiers on horses and brass bands. Though most of the celebration was in Vaci Utca, a concert of some sort with swarms of people.

Sun shining on the Parliament; wasted I didn't get to visit inside

Time to head to Buda! Which is my favoured part of the city simply because of its old school charm. Note though that it is less commercialized so it may not be as tourist-friendly in terms of shop and food choices. Started with the Fisherman Bastion which is basically a lookout point towards Pest and the Danube river. Awesome choice for photography which is easier than Gellert Hill as there are buses that take you right to the top. Started the walking tour with the same guide, and I think we walked most of Castle District. It's a great place to spend time as the district itself provides some shops and the Castle is made up of a large art gallery and the national library - we didn't visit both due to time restrain. 

 The Fisherman Bastion

 A Trevi-like fountain in the Buda Castle's courtyard

Exterior of the Szechenyi National Library (Szechenyi is a rich aristocrat family that funded a lot of Budapest's development)

Now, to illustrate the bother that comes with a public holiday in Europe. A tourist attraction we really wanted to go to which is the Hospital in the Rock; a museum that showcases healthcare services during war times in a bunker (apparently quite eerie) WAS CLOSED. I was so disappointed. But well, that was to be expected as it was the commemoration day itself. 

Decided to head to the Synagogue, which was CLOSED as well. Superbly disappointed because I've never been inside a Synagogue and this was the 2nd largest in the world after the one in New York. boooo. Was disappointed so we crossed the bridge back to Buda side which was an experience on its own. With at least 6 bridges open to pedestrians to cross the river Danube, choose any one, and the one we chose was the Liberty bridge. Reached the other side, and headed to the Cave Chapel which is basically a chapel built into a cave, and its architecture was definitely different from the previous churches I visited.

 View of Liberty Bridge for Buda side

View from inside of the Cave Chapel

Started our hike up Gellert hill. While it's not too difficult, there is a significant amount of walking and various routes that can lead you up to the Citadella which is the highest point. From there, it's another panoramic view of Buda and Pest, which could be great for photography especially during the good weather. Other than that, there's a museum there and some expensive restaurants. Note that there is only one bus that goes up the hill and it stops at the inner parts of Buda, so to get back to Pest would require a significant amount of tram/bus/walking. 

 One of the scenic routes up the hill

Tell me this view is not worth it, =)

Ended the day with a night walk in Hosok Tere which is a square with monuments dedicated to war heroes and it definitely look prettier at night.

Tribute to heroes!

Day 4

Great Market Hall

Szechenyi Zoo - free with Budapest Card

Made a quick dash to the Market Hall as it wasn't open on commemoration day and I wanted to buy some souvenirs. It usually opens at 6am so it's a good place to start your day early. Headed to the Szechenyi Zoo which is also a UNESCO Heritage Site. Super exciting as I've not been to the zoo in a while and I have to say, it's massive! Though some of the attractions are closed either due to construction works or it's only in summer, there is plenty to see in the zoo as the areas cover 5 continents of animals. I particularly like the South American greenhouse which is a large greenhouse with Amazonian climate (it was really hot!) and you could go into the smaller side greenhouses which allowed you to see certain animals without fences (i.e. Iguana and sloths). The landscaping was really amazing. I reckon the place would be a blast in summer with all the animal shows, we only managed to catch the seals' performance. Spent a good 3 hours that but it was really not enough! Only downside was the explanations were all in Hungarian, so the Magic Mountain which is similar to a Natural History museum could not provide anything more than visual stimulation. Again, it's free with the Budapest card which was a pretty good deal as it's usually 2400 Forinth/ 8 pounds per adult. 

Flew off in the evening flight. 

 I love giraffes! Find them fascinating =D

View from Magic Mountain, yes you can climb the exterior

I thought 3 days was way too short. There were so many things outside of the main city area which I would have loved to go such as the Memento Park and the Children railway, a return perhaps? So while there are a few places I would urge you to try, there could be more, which I personally didn't experience due to the public holiday. So this would be my main tip for Budapest, spend more time! =P

Do try: 

- Walking around Pest, even if not with the tour, have a morning stroll and night stroll around the main streets and promenade just to take in the beauty. Similarly, walk around Buda, especially the Castle District

- Szechenyi Baths, or any other baths. It's not an experience in other European countries especially the western ones, so I think it's worth the price

- Szechenyi Zoo because it's just different from visiting castles and churches all the time. Bearing the smell, it's interesting to be able to walk around the zoo in autumn.

- Cave Chapel, not very expensive and it's a different architecture from other European churches. Plus the fee comes with an English audioguide, so it's informative as well

- Gellert Hill or Fisherman Bastion or Castle Courtyard for a panoramic view, it's a sin to waste such potential photos

- Hungarian cuisine; while some are not to my favour, they are generally quite good in terms of savoury and sweet cuisine. Try Goulash, Sour Plum Cake and Beef Stew with the small rounded grains which name I 

cannot remember.

See the lil round stuff? They are a mixture of chewy and al-dente-y; I have no idea how to describe it, but I loved it!

Dobostarte, coffee flavored cream layered with sponge of those found in torte-like cakes

Tips:

- Get the Budapest card if you'll be there at least 3 days. Though not cheap, it covers all mode of transportation except some rare ones like the funicular up to Castle District and the children operated railway

- Try not to go during Public Holidays, it may just disrupt a lot of your plans, I know I was annoyed. Haha.

- Though I am one who loves to seek out panoramic spots, I do think that if short of time, choose between Gellert Hill or the Castle District viewpoints as they give almost similar shots. Personally I would still go to both because I think they both offer much more than viewpoints with the former being an enjoyable walk and the latter is a place with quite a few tourist attractions

Travel with a buddy?

This is my first time travelling overseas specifically for a holiday with a buddy, and I think there are pros and cons compared to travelling alone:

Pros:

- No more weird stares when you try to camwhore or the awkwardness of getting someone to take your photo

- More food to share! Really important when you like eating like me, haha

- Feeling safer for night walks, which give a really different view of the city

- Having someone to talk to when you are walking to different places, sharing views of the places you just saw

Cons:

- Synchronizing time; I'm glad my best friend didn't kill me for waking him early. In my opinion, travel with someone who has a similar scheduling and budget to you, saves a lot of trouble. We had quite similar budgets and areas we would spend money on, so that avoided unnecessary squabble. Also, someone with similar mindset might help, as I have heard about people who travel for different reasons and thus end up having conflicting opinions that turn into arguments.

- Not a good idea if you intend to have an "Eat, Pray, Love" journey; in this aspect, a companion can be distracting because it's hard not to converse when you see someone so much, haha

To be honest, having experience both styles of travelling, I find that I'm okay with either. If I get a good travel buddy, it's great, if I don't, I'll still find my way =)

Thanks for being a sport bestie! =D

She was in Budapest (Pt. 1)

But not alone, this time I had a travel buddy, my best friend, but he'll be talked about (or not) later, haha.

Budapest is a lovely city retaining much of its Eastern European influence. I would say it's a more classic version of Vienna as its roads and architecture reminds me of Vienna yet it had this really old school feeling about it.

Granted, we got in during a long 4-day weekend since it was the country's holiday to commemorate their 1956 revolution against the Communist Government. And you'll read in a while why this could be both a good and bad thing.

First things first, it's good because there was literally no one. Okay, not no one, there are always people walking around especially in tourist areas, but it just felt really spacious, and I LOVE SPACIOUS. Haha, it was a rather stark difference than the last day we were in Budapest when everyone was back and you could actually feel the crowding, which by the way, is always mild compared to London's tube. 

Also, this holiday was part of a Groupon offer so we got the room & flights earlier, and the hotel was way higher class than what I would have booked if I were going alone and trying to save money.

Base: Hotel Fashion Atrium

Location: 4.5/5

Environment: 4/5

Room: 4/5

As the name suggests, a hotel is definitely classy accommodation. If it was not for the package, one night would have cost 185 Euros, which is way way more than what I have paid for the Groupon deal. Of course, with money, comes quality. To start with, the location was really quite good - 200 metres from the nearest metro station, tons of trams going past and you can easily walk to city centre in about 20 minutes. Plus it was surrounded by shopping areas and fast food, so no worries about late night tummy rumbles. The room was neat, and cleaned everyday. Bathroom was spacious and hot shower aplenty. They even had a plasma TV! Though I would highly suggest spending time outside the hotel, haha. Breakfast was included and it was a decent spread of continental buffet with the breads, fruits, cheese, hot food and coffee machine (very important!). Service was excellent on the front desk and from the waiters/bartender.

Hotel Room

Day 1

Afternoon arrival to Pest

St Stephen's Basilica (Szent Istvan-bazilika)

Vati Utca 

Our plane arrived in the late afternoon and we got the 72 hour Budapest card for convenience. After a good look around for the hotel, we checked in and headed out to change our cash. There is a really good exchange rate at the money changer near the hotel, I can't remember the name but it is next to a kebab shop and opposite the Margit hid entrance to the metro. Grabbed some late lunch, and then headed to the Basilica. It was a Sunday and public holiday so there were mostly tourists around. Entrance is technically fee though you are encouraged to donate 200 Forinth each. Hungary has their own currency, so only in bigger places the Euro is accepted. The Basilica was quite lovely, had a different main altar than all the basilicas I've been to as it has St Stephen rather than Jesus. This was not an easy feat as the Pope had to give permission and as St Stephen is the first king of Hungary who spread Christianity as a religion, this was allowed. Also, there was a small section of the basilica where you can see the supposed "mummified hand" of St Stephen when he died in battle. 

 The back exterior of St. Stephen's Basilica

 View from Cupola of the Basilica, requires fee

Main altar of the Basilica

Left the basilica and took a walk around the promenade of Danube river, definitely worth it in good weather especially in autumn. Note that Budapest is literally made up of two parts of town, Buda and Pest separated by the Danube river. We were staying on the more commercialized side of Pest. Headed down Vaci Utca which is a long shopping street that basically is the city centre. Tons of souvenir shops, restaurants and most of the big names you would find in commercial streets. It's a nice walk though with a mixture of cobblestone and mosaic paths at certain areas.

 Evening view of the Danube river from the Pest side promenade

A square in Vaci Utca at night

Day 2

Great Market Hall (Nagyvasarcsarnok)

Walking tour in Pest - free with Budapest card

Vajdahunyad Castle

City Park

Szechenyi Bath

Started early in the morning with a visit to the Great Market Hall which holds up to its name of being pretty massive. Has two floors with the bottom part mainly for fresh groceries while the top floor has food and souvenir stalls. While prices may not be the cheapest, I would say it is worth a visit, and it's an easy spot to find souvenirs (look out for the Secret Boxes). Then we went for a walking tour around Pest which took about 2 hours and is free with the Budapest card. It's a pretty simple tour, covering various places around the city centre and the guide has some interesting stories about the city to share. One regret is that we should have gone to the Synagogue on Day 1 as this walk covers the Basilica as well. Headed back to market place for lunch which gave plenty of choices.

Interior of the market hall from the 2nd floor

Then it was taking the metro to the north-east of the city centre where the famous Szechenyi Bath is. Budapest is a city of baths simply because of the thermal springs running throughout its geography so it would be silly not to try this tradition despite a relatively steep price (about 7000 Forinth = 20 pounds). Before we headed to the baths, we visited the castle grounds which had a museum but the castle was no entry, probably cause it's not properly renovated. The city park was the park that greeted us the moment we came out of the metro and there was a certain serenity in watching people just sit and watch the world go by. Autumn has such lovely colours!

Perimetre of the park

Headed to the baths, and spent a good 3 hours. Literally dunk yourself in the medicinal springs till kulit kedut, hahaha. There is a huge outdoor swimming pool which is heated to about 28 degrees, but it's the inside where the sauna, steam room and thermal baths are best. I especially love the 38 degrees one, because it is not fun to wear your swimming suit in autumn weather. And there is nothing to feel shy, the amount of tantalizing bikinis and shorts, and probably the occasional flash of body parts makes you feel like you are fully clothed anyway, haha. To be fair, we were the rare Asians in the premise. One thing though, if the smell of sulphur turns you off, being in the enclosed area too long may make you nauseous. Oh, and don't wear contact lenses, because then the steam room and sauna are risky. The steam room was funny because there were limited seats, so when you go in, you see foggy steam, and then realise everyone was just standing around, I found that to be rather hillarious.

Look at the amount of people! And I have to admit, the bath has quite amazing architecture

Went for a Mongolian BBQ dinner on the other side of town, thank God for good transportation system and kind old man. I would say the Hungarians have been the friendliest lot of Europeans on my Europe travels so far, or maybe they are just interested in my bestie, haha. And the Budapest transportation system deserves two thumbs up because the metro, bus and trams were so convenient.

As this travel post seems to be rather long, I've broken it to two parts, so see Part 2 ;)

"hey, don't be too happy ah, sadness will come soon"

When was the last time you felt happy? Like really so happy, so blessed and just plain joy?

Were you also scared? Yes, you can give me the o.O face now.

How is it that a person can be in a midst of so many good things, and still feel scared? Or worse, feel small, and undeserving? Don't know about you, but it used to happen to me quite often. 

Brene Brown called this mechanism "foreboding joy" in her book "Daring Greatly" which basically is one mechanism to avoid the "pain" that we expect to come after feeling so happy. It's how we can actually feel so damn vulnerable when we're happy, that we become so afraid of what happens when we lose it. So, we rather not feel the joy, or we just expect the worse situations, so that when it happens we can say "Hah! I knew it was too good to be true!"

I think one situation that typifies this well enough is one that I have read in a Psychology Today article (still looking for this particular article unfortunately). So this lady has a choice of two suitors, a young man who she is in love and amazingly happy with and another who she likes, is comfortable with and can provide her with all the necessities for a good life. When she had to choose, she choose the latter. The researcher probe for her reason, and it went something like this "If B walks out of my life one day, I know I can be fine, but I'll be devastated if A ever walked out of my life"

Imagine that, the possibility of losing someone is enough to stop the possibility of risking the joy that was obvious.

Just like how it's easy for us to say "Oh, I'll definitely choose the person I love, rather than the person who loves me"; when it comes down to actually having to choose, would you dare risk the pain that comes with possible loss?

And that's one possible reason why a lot of us run when things are at its best, because it feels so bloody vulnerable to feel happy. Because society has taught us that happiness is fleeting, we know happiness is fleeting, and "hey, don't be too happy ah, sadness will come soon"

It will come. It HAS to come. Just like how happiness is inevitable, sadness is too. But you know what aches worse than the pain of sadness, disappointment etc? It's knowing that you didn't give happiness the respect it deserved when you had it. You didn't hug tight enough, you held their hands too short, you forgot to say I care, you should have told them I'm sorry. It's madness to live in such regret.

What I've learn? That I am happy, I deserve to be happy no matter how freaking scary it is. I've had many a blessed days this year, and initially, it was so scary to think that this is it, I am actually worth such happiness. I remember one particular incident, when I teared seeing the Trevi Fountain. I was overjoyed to be where I am, and yet so scared that this joy will be taken away the minute I embrace it, and make it mine.

Nowadays, when I feel extremely blessed that it makes me feel so vulnerable, I give thanks. I embrace the blessed feeling by being present as much as I can. It's not easy, seeing that I'm someone who is very much future-oriented, but hey, practice, practice, practice! Yes, scary thoughts still come to my mind, and I've accepted that as the part of my limbic system trying to survive. But no, no more self-sabotaging, it ends as fleeting thoughts. 

I tell myself, I'm surviving, and give happiness the respect it deserved.

EDIT: I have to make clear that in the situation where the lady needs to choose between two suitors, my opinion is not that one is better than the other so we always should go for someone we are amazingly in love with or vice-versa. It's more of the reason for making the choice should be because we want it (i.e. wanting to be with that person) rather than because we don't want the other choice (i.e. don't want to lose the other person thus being with a more "secure" person), at least in my opinion. 

Fake it till ya' make it yo!

Inspired by this talk; Amy Cuddy : Your body language shapes who you are

As a Psychology student, the first thing I always (I'm betting on a 99% chance) get is "you are reading my mind" or something by those lines whenever I meet someone for the first time and introduce my background. Other than being slightly annoyed and often wondering if I indeed did miss such a class, it's a reflection of how prevalent the concept body language is in the society. Sure, psychologists are associated with the ability read body language (seriously, I need to look up my course outlines), more than that, this association rings to us that humans generally are familiar with body language, and the consequences of it.

My own stand on body language is I've never been a big fan, simply because of the negative connotations often associated with it; say pick-up artists, fortune-tellers etc. It's one of those really useful concepts that when grasped well can be use for good, or evil. Unfortunately, the negative wiring of my mind seems to remind me more of the negative aspects. However, in the recent years, I've become more accustomed to the idea of body language as a concept that can develop individuals. In the talk mentioned above, Amy Cuddy speaks about using body postures to "talk to yourself" and make you feel empowered prior to better deal with socially threatening situations.

A core theme in the talk which I interpreted with my understanding:

"Although biology (i.e. hormones) plays a significant role in making you feel a particular way, you can also manipulate this mind-body connection which goes in a loop, to use body postures which trick the brain into producing the hormones that help you feel what you want to feel"

And there were reminders that this is not meant to assert power over others (which could still be possible depending on the individual's intention); hence, why I use the term empowering rather than power as the latter seem to reflect dominance over others. Also, from the talk, the experiment seem to have told participants that they will be doing either a high-power pose or low-power pose which from my opinion could already prime their thoughts to actually think they will be powerful after doing whatever pose and vice-versa. That conclusion is more similar to self-fulfilling prophecy which is really not a bad thing, cause if just by thinking then you can feel it, it's perhaps even simpler to carry out than a particular behaviour.

So. My babble above is my opinion on how we can empower ourselves, and one way is through body language. Amy Cuddy mentioned "tiny tweaks can lead to big changes" which I resonate with because I believe that sometimes the biggest changes, comes from the smallest steps.

What made the talk post-worthy though, was this - fake it till you make it. Or in her terms, fake it till you become it. While that is really motivating, and is often the case, I find that to internalize something you really don't want to believe in can be more dejecting that than accepting who you are. This does not invalidate her study, but what I'm saying is there is a need for self-acceptance, or checking where you are before launching into a whole "I can do this!" So yes, the little tweak may include some extra steps after all.

Take this article for example; which premise lies in how positive thinking may backfire if we don't feel confident in ourselves to start with. Personally, I agree. It becomes so stressful to know you should be able to do it if you keep thinking positively but yet you keep feeling like you are fighting against yourself. That does not mean both articles are wrong, though it does signify that we need to know WHY we are doing it. Say, I am going to an interview, and I'm shit nervous. I could use those body postures to empower myself and who knows, I aced the interview. In the long run, I find myself using the body postures to help me whenever I feel insecure or anxious; yet, even when I'm leading a team, I don't feel comfortable, don't feel like I belong. The problem is not that I couldn't be empowered, but why I want to be empowered. Is this really a position I want? Or am I comfortable actually be an expert in the background? Am I seeking to empower myself because the society has a silent pre-requisite that suggests everyone should be awesome because being okay means something is wrong with you or because I really want to change myself?

You can fake it till you make it, or even become it. But if you don't understand why you want it, why you do it, it will be difficult to really internalize it. So why, why do you want whatever change you want?

In concluding this long blog post, I resonate with Amy Cuddy's proposition that we need to share all these empowering tips, because people who need it, often don't have the resources.

And I'll share my proposition, which is power upon who you really are, if you're going to fake it, fake it for a truth you believe.

"Yea, that journey wasn't too hard anyway"

Have you ever felt small, unworthy and constantly wondering why our life is not like someone else's? Which almost always sound more amazing than ours when the primitive brain takes over. I know I've felt like that, and it can be a constant struggle to say that mine is enough; without a good or bad judgment but an "enough" that brings inner peace. I think I've mentioned before in one of my previous posts about how so many external stimulation leaves us feeling that we need to respond to each and every one, and when we can't, we feel like we missed out on something which could potentially make us feel so damn awesome. There is a term for this;  FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)  is the hip term that describes the emotions that arise (often negative) when we perceive to be missing out on something that is life-changing (really?).

Though if we give more thought to it, if it's even substantially true that this other person has the most amazing life that you wish you had, what makes us think the process of getting there was anything but NOT amazing? In an era where everything is publicized and taken at face value, the complexity of human beings become very much one-dimensional. Whether it is a FB status (guilty!) or an Instagram photo (double guilty!), we very quickly assume that one facet of this person's life IS the person's life. While there are those who constantly publicize aspects of their life that are more towards the negative end, no one actually prefers downward comparison, so we just brush them of as emo/*insert judging term*.

But when it comes to photos, statuses, words, blog posts *grin* that reflect more positive aspects of life, it's so easy to assume that these come easy to whoever who is posting them. And while technology is convenient, we surprisingly don't document the process of coming to the positive point, making it so much easier to assume that the positive point just happens and that for the rest of us, it should also magically appear so.

When I spoke about this with a couple of people, one thought came to my mind. More than being ungrateful for what we already have, which honestly, if you are sitting here reading this post, it's probably a life loaded with blessings, we are invalidating stories of other individuals. And that makes me uncomfortable, I actually felt sad.

What if I really fought my way to whatever blessed phase in my life, just to have people tell me "Yea, that journey wasn't too hard anyway", I would feel totally ouch. We can argue that what other people perceive of your journey is merely their perspective but I think it's time we all give some credit to hard work, and commitment to the process. Not just judging the end-all which is nothing but what's most obvious to the naked eye. While there's no need to dig into deeper meaning all the time (if curtains are blue, they are blue, not a symbol of the writer's melancholy! =_=), it would be nice to appreciate how technology has made it much easier to see beauty of so many different individuals. And to frame that beauty as something that came through a process, to believe that everyone has a story, rather than to pass judgment wondering why you don't have that beauty.

Here's to being grateful for the beauty you have that is waiting for you to realise (if you have not already), and appreciating the different beauties in life for what it means, and not just what it seems.

"An unexamined life is not worth living"

Or so Socrates said (sorta kinda, nothing sounds nicer than in its original Latin phrase anyway).

We are all called to look for the meaning of our life, or at least that's what a lot of the information we get nowadays tell us. Self-reflect, look within, look for your passion, seek your goal, find your calling, et cetera.

While I would probably be on the proposition of examining, it leaves me perplexed. If I don't examine my life, or if you don't examine your life, does it really lose its worth?
Well, what does "examining" concern? And what is "worth" measured by?

What boggles me is, why do we go through all this trouble? Honest to heart, any journey that requires you to look inside, seek something bigger, anything bigger than yourself, is far far away from comfortable. While there is a lot of learning that is accrued over time, sometimes I wonder if the learning is necessary, or do we cari pasal (finding trouble)?

Is it really necessary to continue this discomfort?

I'm growing to embrace it, because it happens to me anyway. I've been told I think too much, seeking too much meaning. Heck, the first thing that pops in my mind when someone tells me something is, "What do you mean?" I like to go underneath, and inside stuff, understanding or at least trying to understand why.

But I know so many people who can live through life not bothered about so much why, or any deeper meaning of any sort, and just take life as it comes. And frankly, they don't seem to be too bothered by the lack of not knowing why. "It just is, what why?"

Maybe I've yet to strike a balance between embracing the now (learning! learning!) and still enjoying the journey of seeking a bigger purpose.

My question is, what's the worth in examining one's life? Why do you seek beyond, or why not?

Teacher Man

"What is education, anyway? What are we doing in this school? You can say you're trying to graduate so that you can go t college and prepare for a career. But fellow students, it's more than that. I've had to ask myself what the hell I'm doing in the classroom. I've worked out an equation for myself. On the left side of the blackboard I print a capital F, on the right side another capital F. I draw an arrow from the left to the right, from FEAR to FREEDOM" p.253

One word for this book by Frank McCourt. Love-hate. Seriously, it was not an easy read for me, as a matter of fact I found it frustrating sometimes reading his self-loathing which was really prominent in the first half of the book. It's like "Shuddup already!" To be fair, he was being honest, because the book is really about the autobiography of a man's teaching experience, from ground zero till the end. And I can't stand whingeing, at least not too much of it, so this book was really testing me.

But like a relationship, it needed time to grow, and it grew on me.

Description of self-loathing, misery aside, the book is honest. And honest is always good. He was really trying to tell his story, and yes, his story might not have the juicy bits a lot of fiction have. As a matter of fact, although this was meant as a story, I wouldn't count it so much as fiction. More an autobiography; hence, it was basically a first person narrative. 

What I especially liked about the story was how it was consistently about miserable experience but as the story unfolds, there was a different perspective attached to the miserable experiences, you can actually feel him grow and actually feel thankful he is growing. Perhaps that's the quiet attraction of the book, it's an everyday story of you and mine, but so much of life lessons when put down in writing as a whole. 

The saving grace of the book was its ending, probably not everyone's cup of tea, but I loved it. The moment I read it, I had a huge grin on my face and I closed the book with satisfaction. Shan't spoil it for you, you may not even think it's an ending ;)

Overall, I think the book requires a certain patience to read. It was lovely company over my two weeks trip in Europe. Nevertheless, still a good book I would recommend. Engage in it, and you'll soon realise the quiet significance of its bits and pieces.

(Image source: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/92/Teacher_Man_(Frank_McCourt_memoir)_cover_art.jpg/200px-Teacher_Man_(Frank_McCourt_memoir)_cover_art.jpg)

"Find what you love and do it. That's what it boils down to. I admit I didn't always love teaching. I was out of my depth" p.255

the five people you meet in heaven

"All endings are also beginnings, we just don't know it at the time"

By Mitch Albom. You can't not have heard of it. I heard of it, then realised I never read it despite reading all his other books, which I loved. To be fair, his writings are probably the favourite genre of books for me, a bit of self-development (but not telling me in 7 steps), loads of reflections and asking you questions. LIKE.

One of my first feelings as I read the book; "Omg, why is this book so thin? Don't let it end". That, and "Oh dear, I hope I don't end up finding out I played a part in killing someone when I do get to heaven (if I do)" Haha.

In line with Mitch Albom's style, there's an interchange between a first person narrative and a third person storyteller. I'm quite fond of such styles, makes it refreshing to feel different perspectives.
I really like this book, again, it pulls heartstrings (yes I cried again, but no I am not a crybaby).
It's theme focuses a lot on how humans are interconnected, and however small a person is, we have our worth. After reading this book, it really feels to me that we are but a small speck in a large large large space, and whatever we do or choose to do right this moment, creates a ripple effect into the unforeseen distance. I like that it reminds us of human connections, a simple notion of life.
Also, the story speaks of Heaven, but does not describe only one notion of it. Instead, it describes Heaven as "each to their own" which I felt was a really interesting point of the story. For some characters, it was where they always felt safe, for some, it was just a place they've known all their life, for some, it was a place they want to be. I love the beauty of this definition of Heaven.

The other key theme was forgiveness. And it's a lesson really close to heart for me. Forgiveness was what made me tear a lot actually. For sins, for people who damage us, for loss, for win. I like how this theme was intertwined in each story, and how in the end, it's a lot about self-forgiveness.
Besides, the story has quite a few unexpected twists, which I thought made it pretty, and I really found it hard to put down the book yet I don't want to finish it so soon.

All in all, I think it's a book that leads one to think and feel. A bit more mature than typical fiction, given the different themes it tried to portray, but that could just be me. In general, I like that the book had flow and how everything interconnected, helps a lot with making sense, like it's a whole story, not a hole story =)

(Image source: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/d5/MitchAlbom_TheFivePeopleYouMeetInHeaven.jpg/200px-MitchAlbom_TheFivePeopleYouMeetInHeaven.jpg)

"No story sits by itself, sometimes stories meet at corners and sometimes they cover one another completely, like stones beneath a river"  

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet

"At least we were together " - Henry Lee
"No, at most you were together" - Sheldon

Taken from the book I just finished reading, by Jamie Ford. I like it. Do I love it? Not exactly.
It follows a rather typical love fiction, similar to those by Nicholas Sparks maybe? Complete with certain unexpected twists and a relatively happy ending that won't leave readers wanting to stab the author.
I would say it's an easy read, light enough for a weekend, and still will touch your heart in one way or another.

The story's main theme revolve around first love, lost love.
What differentiates it from the other love stories I've read would be its context. I really liked that the focus was on the intergenerational racial tension of Japanese and Chinese in America at the height of World War II. I've not read fictions that focus on such context so it was a breadth of fresh air given that Jamie Ford was quite good at the detailed descriptions of the situation and the physical context of that time. I also liked that there were some significant details of the story that carried out through the story (i.e. a particular memento) because it feels like there is connection weaved into the story line.
Another aspect of the story that I thought was different was the theme of the family ties that were brought up rather frequently and how different families communicate when they identify themselves with different parts of their identity (i.e. as a Chinese VS as a second-generation American). I think that is relevant even till today, even when we call ourselves "global citizens". Certain aspects of our identity are salient in certain situations and how we perceive anything is then related to this saliency.

The story is sad. Sad. Enough to make me tear (okay, I cried) but I guess it's also because the story tells of a theme that's close to everyone's heart - love, particularly about first love and distance. So while that may not be the most refreshing theme, it still tugs strings. Reminds me of the recent post I had about commitment, how it's not easy to achieve, and how time, distance and in the book's case, people become part of "inevitable circumstances".
In the story, the lead character took a while to realise how sometimes our actions reflect our intention to actually pursue something. While he knew he wanted her, he also knew that he could have done a lot of things, other than to let her go, which he chose anyway. So to live in regret became a large part of his life, a part of the memory which he blocked very carefully till the years go by. But in the end, perhaps what the story is trying to say is that you can always "un-fix" what seems to be "broken". Actually, fixing seems to be quite key in the story, but read for yourself =)

I think it's a nice book to pick up, and reminds all of us especially those who have a second chance at their first love, to treasure it ;)

(Image source: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/66/Hotel_on_the_Corner_of_Bitter_and_Sweet_cover.jpg)

"Henry was learning that time apart has a way of creating distance - more than the mountains and time zone separating them. Real distance, the kind that makes you ache and stop wondering. Longing so bad it begins to hurt to care so much" p.382

"Will you love me in the morning?"

This is one of the key lines from the movie "Click" where Kate Beckinsale wrote the question on a piece of napkin for Adam Sandler after he tried to pick her up at the bar.

I cried every time I watch the movie (I've watched it 3 times), though it's not due to this particular line, if you haven't watch it, I do suggest you to, it's quite a nice lighthearted movie =)

Today's post was inspired by this thoughtcatalog article; Maybe Don't Kiss Me

One would often see the sentence being uttered in the context preceding a one-night stand, often romanticized by social media, but I think the sentence holds meaning beyond just passion that last a night; it could open a world of questions of what people will do when the alcohol wears off, the bright lights dim and 3am loneliness disappears like it never existed.

In this amazing world where we are constantly bombarded by different and various stimulations every single moment, we start to learn to feel guilty when we don't respond to each and everyone of it. It's a personal conflict of my own, and I think this article; The Long Arc of Commitment describes pretty well how we are often find ourselves letting go of a core value for something that is more immediate, more accessible where we don't have to "strain to feel its aliveness".

Though I'm speaking in the context of relationships, particularly romantic relationships, I think it's applicable to all kinds of relationships. When it comes down to it, connection with people are often the greatest risk to take - and perhaps has the greatest return. It is downright letting yourself be vulnerable to the influence of another person(s), which can be extremely intimidating if you have been hogging the driver's seat for so long. And sometimes, we continue hogging this seat with more immediate stimulation; material possessions, advancement in career, fun, etc. While there's nothing wrong with seeking pleasure or what you want in life, asking yourself what is the core you hold on to may give you insight on what is key to your life, but just not "felt" strongly the current moment.

I don't only hope for commitment, I expect commitment. I welcome flexibility but I cannot agree with running away all the time; after a while, escape routes become stale and you just find yourself in the same spot you try to disappear from all this time - nope, it's still there. While there's the notion that one should not have expectations, one of the key principle in my life is integrity which I correlate with commitment; to stick to one's guns.

Of course, life changes, all.the.time. And no one can ever be so damn sure that anything will turn out as they intend to.

But when it comes to forced choices, the spanking reality of the morning, with its temptations, with its challenges,  what will you do?

Will you dare to love me in the morning?

The 7 people I met in my travels

Inspired by Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"; of course with a mathematical twist and I am not in Heaven yet (hopefully one day I'll be, haha).

I've met numerous people throughout my journey. Or rather, I cross paths with countless strangers in the 2 weeks, but some had a deeper indent than others. And I did not get any of their contact except for one, some not even a name. That was the difference I realised when it came to interactions during travelling, everyone is a stranger, everyone has a story to tell. It's almost always "Hi, how long have you been here?" which proceeds to stories from where they are from, their country, their experience of travel so far, their view of life, and then perhaps, an exchange of names. I don't know if it's just me, or maybe we just are aware that sometimes short exchanges can be meaningful whether or not they turn into long-term relationships, but names were just not as key, yet every story divulged was equally meaningful and valuable.

So while these people who have crossed my path significantly may not come across this blog post, I would like to pray tribute to them and all the nameless travelers, continue sharing your stories, and perhaps, your if the moment is right, your name.

Kaori
She's the first girl I met when I first arrived in Vienna, and the first stranger who held a conversation longer than 30 minutes with. Very sweet lady, and has an amazing zest for travel, I think she has been travelling throughout her undergrad to different places in Europe and US. She studies Political Science and is waiting to complete her final year thesis and take her place in the working world where she has already been offered a job in a large multinational company.
It was really interesting to hear her travels and she was very willing to share her stories as well - of how her parents gave up trying to stop her from travelling alone, and how life in Japan is really competitive. Definitely made me realise how many people are actually traveling alone and instead of worrying about whether their life is in danger, they are actually appreciating the privilege to see the world and all it has to offer. She's also the only one who I got a contact detail, which reminds me, I should email her :)

Naomi
I really enjoyed my interaction with Naomi (met her in Vienna as well). It was a smack-in-the-face realisation for myself, and she probably didn't know how much she helped in my learning. When I first saw her, I stereotype her for a party person, who is all about pleasure in life, just from how she looked, and how she carried herself. I was wrong, so so wrong that I am absolutely ashamed for being so judgmental but at the same time so thankful I was given this smack of a lesson.
She is a social worker with the aborigine community in Australia helping to deal with issues plaguing the community such as alcoholism. She shared stories about her experience as a social worker and how it pains her that there's just so many short term solutions, but nothing is sustainable yet. She also taught me that travelling does not have an immediate magical effect romanticized by so many stories on the net; that she took quite some time to be the traveler she is. Having travelled for 2 and a half months, she only settled in the routine after a month and notice how different she is after the two months. And she worked super hard for the years preceding her travel months to save up for her well-deserved break. But she also understand that she is not travelling forever, she wants to go back to her job, however challenging it is, to make a sustainable difference, and I really salute her ambition.

German Sergeant
I shared a coach with this boy on my 7-hour journey from Austria to Italy. Initially he had a friend on board and they were both talking, so I didn't interrupt. His friend left halfway during the journey, and I decided to break the silence by asking him about his job. He was wearing the army uniform so I asked him where he was going, and he said he was going home after training. He shared his views about Vienna and Salzburg, about how nice the outskirts of Austria is rather than the city of Vienna. And I was really thankful I spoke to him because when the announcement came in Italian & Austrian about the railway problem, he translated that to me and told me what to do. If I never initiated the conversation I would probably have been totally lost. I never got his name, but I knew his girlfriend's name was Kristie(?) and that he was meeting her after being away for training ( so Dear John la omg, haha).

Elena & Lizzie
They are a pair of mother (Lizzie) & daughter (Elena). I first met Lizzie on my first night in Venice, and she told me that she's going to meet her daughter who is working in Germany. This lady was amazing, traveling on her own for the past few weeks, and then going to travel more after her daughter goes back to work in German. They made really nice company of my stay in Venice when we come back to the hostel at night at they shared stories about the Acqua Alta in San Marco, and reminded me to bring extra slippers. I also learnt to say Goodnight in Mexican (yes, they were from Mexico) "Buenos Noche", to which I taught them "Selamat Malam". Elena told me about Germany and recommended places to visit, I so want to go to Germany. Although we parted ways in Venice, I had a short bump into them during their last night in Florence where we stayed at the same hostel. Super funny how we bumped into each other in the hallway and I was like "these people look familiar". We had breakfast together the following morning, before they rushed off for their morning train.

Amy
I guess she would make the shortest interaction I had, two hours during lunch in Florence, just before my train to Rome. She resides in the US and has just quitted her job to move back to her hometown and take care of her sister who has cancer. Since she won't have time like the time she has now, she decided to just travel for a couple of months. I really enjoyed our conversation because she told me stories about how her parents didn't let her travel alone, so she got an acquaintance to travel with but they parted ways because he just wanted to party while she wanted to experience more of the culture. And also stories about Los Angeles where she used to work, and about her parcel stuck in Paris because of tinned haggis. It was her birthday on the day as well, such a coincidence, so I wished her Happy Birthday and parted ways, realising how silly I was to not have gotten her contact.

Subini
She was my dorm mate in Rome, also residing in US, Texas. Very helpful and adventurous lady who has been travelling quite a while, and she stays more than 2 days in different cities so she was sharing stories about exploring the outskirts of the different cities; something I didn't manage to do. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have known to go to St Peter's Basilica as early as possible and enjoy myself. She was also the only person I met whom I had dinner with and it was wonderful to have conversations with her about US, India and everything in-between

-------------------

So, meeting this people were not life-changing in large amount of ways yet I cannot deny how these interactions have left memories ingrained in my life, for that, I am very grateful.

This is the last of the series of post I have for my travels, hopefully in my days to come, I'll find more travel stories to share.

The End of 2 Weeks

So, I promised a summary, and realised I didn't exactly have one in mind? Haha. Perhaps it would be easier if you have any question in particular and ask me instead. What I do have is some reflection I have about my travels and the idea of travelling in general, which is largely inspired by this piece of article.

http://goinswriter.com/travel-young/

It is an interesting article, and even more interesting are the comments that follow, so do read the whole package (it's the weekend!). That's what I love about sharing knowledge, not necessary the information that was shared, but the different perspectives elicited just from one person's initiative to share.

While I agree with a lot of the points brought up by the article and the comments that follow, here's my personal perspective from my recent experience.

Please travel. 

Yes, travel high-end, on a budget, around your country, the opposite end of your world, take a weekend off, take a year off, but travel.

And travel because you want to travel. You don't have to travel, heck, stay at home. But in my opinion, try it, even if it's just to cross of your list and say "Yea, been there, done that"

A lot of travelling has been romanticized that it creates expectations when people seek to travel, and for those who don't seek to travel, we feel like losers - but no one should be made to feel like a loser because they stand for their perspective

The biggest proponent for travel is that it opens you towards experience, and I wholeheartedly agree with that. But experience also comes to those whose heart is open to it. Not someone who begrudgingly travel because it's just about the coolest thing in the world or because they expect their life to have a drastic change eat-pray-love-style. Of course, it could be said that when you throw someone into the situation such as peer pressuring them into traveling, there will be some benefit because travel does change someone somewhat. Which means it can also change a person to just think traveling is meh, over-romaticized and just not their cup of tea, and that is fine. Because I believe experience comes to those who are open towards it, and I frankly had a difficult time doing that. As much as I try to rid myself of expectations, it's hard not to wonder if I will be kidnapped in Italy or losing my wallet in Austria because people make stories like that sound so cool that if your travel is not cool like that, omg, you so did not travel. It wasn't till towards the end of my trip that I realise, your travel is really personalized, it's an experience that you own, that you can choose to share. The awesomeness of it all is not dictated by the amount of adventures you have or did not have, heck, you decide the meaning of adventure. Whether it is strip dancing the first time, or getting lost in Venice on your own, it doesn't matter, it's your own.

The biggest proponent against travel is obligations and commitments which a lot of the pro-travellers brush off as excuses. Which could be true to some extent, but who we are to judge another's priority? Of course, people tend to extremify things and I agree with a lot of the comments that say you don't have to start with a one year travel, perhaps just travel to a neighbouring state. Granted, time and place can be factors for different experience, but again, travel is yours to own, as long as you open your heart to the travelling, you will find experiences that speak to you however big or small. And sometimes travel can really be a contradictory desire to a lot of commitments in one's life. From the comments, this seem to be more prevalent with the collectivistic community, thought how true that is would be a difficult concept to measure. Again, you are the owner of your choices, make it mindfully and if travel is in the agenda, great. If not, it's okay, it's alright.

Personally, I'm glad I did this travel. It did not turn out as I imagined, it turned out different in a very glad way. A couple of things I learnt/would have done differently next time I'm given the opportunity to travel:

1) Don't choose places with cover charge, seriously.
2) Dare myself to have conversations and a bigger dare to have it in a different language
3) Be smarter with my journal - as in including more reviews rather than go with the eat-pray-love style, the former would have definitely helped with sharing experiences
4) Get a guidebook or at least do some research
5) Stay longer in each city - and with a company. This is a very salient point as I find that it is so essential to have someone(s) to share the experience you have with, throughout the journey. I can't imagine travelling too long without having someone to process the experience with while experiencing it. While I enjoy solo travelling, I think companion(s) would make a good difference, and I look forward to testing this hypothesis next time ;)

Finally, travel. And travel with an open heart - it really makes all the difference.

P.S.: Here's an interesting article for paranoid travellers like me, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201210/build-travel-confidence-science-based-strategies

She was in Rome

Finally. Two cliches hold true:
i) All roads lead to Rome; yea, at least my journey did, haha.
ii) Rome was not built in one day; dear Lord it is MASSIVE, I really regretted not realising how huge it was, could have spent more time here.

I love-hate Rome. I cannot bear the crazy traffic of cars and people. But I absolutely love its history, and so many of its sights and stories. The Romans were genius la okay. It's a place I definitely want to go back one day, and let's hope that the cliche about throwing coin into the Trevi fountain holds true ;)

Transportation:
Metro, bus and legs. For my short trip, the metro and my legs were sufficient. Note that Rome is different from all previous cities because while some of its attractions are within walking distance, a lot are not, and neither are they near the limited metro stations (there's only 2 metro lines). Buses would be an awesome means of transportation though I did not try them, my friend and some dorm mates mentioned that it is quite reliable aside from its timing - that's probably due to the crazy jam.

Base/Hostel: Pop Inn Hostel
Location: 5/5
Environment: 3/5
Dorm: 2.5/5
Its location is a win, champion even above Venice - literally across the street from the main Termini station which was essential because I had an early flight the next day. And because most of the places I want to go to are near metro stations, it was nice to have it just outside your door step. Unfortunately it also means its really noisy though food is really easy to find. Out of all the hostels, I think this one gave me the biggest sleeping difficulty because there was only a thin white sheet as blankets and the bed was basic. Thankfully shower was okay.

Day 1
Evening arrival to Rome
Vittorio Emanuele Elevator
Walking around

When hit with the realisation that Rome is too freaking huge, I was literally rushing. Reached the Termini station, plopped my bags and rushed to the Vittorio Emanuele Elevator which is basically a viewpoint atop a museum. Wanted to make it before it closed and sunset. It was difficult to concentrate on my run there because there were so many sights along the way. The Vittorio Emanuele museum was near the Colosseum and the Roman Forums, setting my eyes on these for the first time really left me in awe. I made it in time, and it was a lovely view, manage to catch my breath and enjoy the beauty of Rome. Got my first aerial view of the jam-packed roads of Rome, and decide that I should not risk the bus where possible.
After that, it was mainly just walking around and taking in the sights of such a wonderful place

View from Vittorio Emanuele

Day 2
Basilica San Pietro/ St Peter's Basilica
Vatican City Museum
Pantheon
Piazza Navona
Trevi Fountain

I was really excited for the 2nd day, heck, I was really excited about my Rome stop because there were some places I have dreamt of seeing my whole entire life - let you know later. Rise and shine to the excited thought of going to the Vatican City, much influence from the Dan Brown books. I took the metro as it stops directly on the road leading down to the Vatican City, and I was in awe when I first set my eyes on the Basilica San Pietro; SO GORGEOUS. I went really early so there was no line (which will be long because of security checks) and it was not packed in the basilica so I could ooh and ahh all I want. Took my time taking photos and enjoying the amazing work by Gian Lorenzo Bernini - one of the most amazing artist of his time. I finished my really slow walk in about an hour, then I decided to take a guided tour, which was probably one of the most genius decisions I made throughout my trip. The stories I learnt, gave so much more meaning to this place. IF you don't want to pay for a guided tour, please get a guide book, it will be so worth it. The climb I did in Rome was the dome/cupola of St Peter's Basilica. At 551 steps, it was the highest of all my climbs, and it was an interesting one because there were many different parts with different looking staircases as opposed to a straight on 551 steps up the dome. VERY WORTH IT.

St Peter's Basilica, this does not come even close to portraying its beauty

View from the Dome, a worthy climb

The funniest thing that happened was while waiting for the guided tour to start, I decided to look for the entrance to the crypts. And as a testament to my horrible orienteering skills, I ended up in a restricted area and the guard was not happy. He slammed the door behind me, didn't even bother to accept my apology.

After the tour, I had a really quick lunch and went on to the Vatican Museum. I did not enjoy it. I loved the museum, but it was RIDICULOUSLY packed with people it felt like a sardine can. There was no way you can enjoy one exhibit without being squished by hoards of tour groups (which would mean getting a tour would probably be a smarter idea). The collection in the museum was amazing, humongous and more varied than Uffizi as it focuses on exhibits from other countries such as Egypt. All I wanted to do was reach the Sistine Chapel, and the only way to get there is to go through all the exhibition rooms, and the crowds.

When I finally reached the Sistine Chapel, it was like woah. I rented an audioguide because I wanted to understand the stories behind the art in this chapel. I probably did not appreciate the meaning as deep as people of the Catholic faith, but the Last Judgment by Michelangelo was gorgeous. And despite guards trying to ask everyone to keep quiet and not take photos, I was not going to repeat my Uffizi Gallery mistake, I am going to take a photo of the Last Judgment, and I did.

The Last Judgment by Michelangelo; broke rules for this, ignore the bad photo angle, had to be as discreet as possible

Stood in the Sistine Chapel for a good 45 minutes before bidding the Vatican goodbye, and I really feel that I should return, armed with more knowledge for a better appreciation.

Headed back into the city and detoured to the Pantheon. Which is rather bare compared to the other attractions. Especially since one of the Pope commanded for all the bronze from the Pantheon's roof to be stripped off for the columns in St Peter's Basilica.

Bare Pantheon roof

Then I visited Piazza Navona where there are tons of street artists and cafes. Basically it was chilling and enjoying a delicious (albeit expensive) chocolate truffle and taking in the streets of Rome.

Bernini's Fountain of 4 rivers (Fontana dei Quattro), in Piazza Navona

Nipped of to Trevi fountain before I left for my hostel; and for the first time in my journey, I felt so much awe, and gratitude, I teared. I've always wanted to see the Trevi fountain, always wanted to travel Europe, and it finally hit me, I am actually here. It was such an amazing realisation, I felt so incredibly blessed.

Please go see this for yourself, it's amazing. Trevi Fountain.

I also broke one of my principles of the journey, and ended up having Asian food - ala carte Japanese buffet. Being someone who is less fond of carbs (except Asian noodles and potatoes), the pasta was getting into me, and I did not feel like having sandwich. The buffet was just 5 doors down from my hostel and might I say, it's probably one of the most empowering experience I've ever felt in my life - going alone to a restaurant in Rome and ordering all the food I can stuff myself with; perhaps this was the empowerment advocated by those who encourage people to go to movies alone. It was really a great experience, despite my broken rule. I seem to be breaking rules in Rome eh?

One of the many orders I put in; 20 pieces of salmon sashimi was my record

Day 3
Borghese Gallery
Colosseum
Palatine Hill + Roman Forum
Pantheon
Spanish Steps
Trevi Fountain

The 3rd day is the most exciting because of Borghese (bor-geh-zay) Gallery; I loved the park surrounding the villa which was so peaceful on an early Sunday morning. If I wasn't in my maxi skirt, I would have rented one of them lovely bicycles for a ride around the park. My excitement is reinforced by the fact that it was the only attraction ticket I booked way before I started the trip; most of my bookings only involve transportation.
Why? Because the sculpture of my favourite myth in the world is in this museum - the Apollo and Daphne by Bernini ( I LOVE THIS DUDE). There is a same sculpture of different interpretation in the UK's V&A Museum, but now I'm going to see the real thing, the one thing I've waited to see all my trip, can you imagine the excitement? Villa Borghese has to be one of the prettiest museums, only 360 people are allowed at any one time, and you are only allowed two hours inside. The art collection was amazing, I can't recall some of the paintings but they were really famous. What I focused on was two exhibits, the Apollo & Daphne and Bernini's interpretation of David. Unlike the usual standing David, this David was portrayed as he was in action to kill the Goliath. I'm not a maestro of art, but the details were AMAZING.
Of course, I stood a good 20 minutes around Apollo & Daphne examining every single detail, and really, Bernini is amazing with details. He also created an unfinished sculpture known as "Truth Unveiled By Time" and it was his silent cry of retaliation during one of the darkest moment of his artist history when the new Pope did not believe in his talent and refused to acknowledge his work. Before I left the museum, I bid my favourite sculpture goodbye, and relinquish in gratitude for another dream come true. Unfortunately, this collection does not allow photos as well, but the sculptures were amazing.

Borghese Gallery

Moving on, I headed to the Colosseum, and the line's crazy! Which is why I paid for a guided tour of the Colosseum + Palatine Hill + Roman Forums; expensive but worth it in its own way especially for the Colosseum. Again, get a guidebook if you prefer to save time. Stories of the Colosseum left me in awe. No it was not a place to kill your enemies or your mates, but it was a stage, an entertainment stage and the way it was produced is exactly like how it was today but created with the technology of then days. SALUTE. The Romans were absolute genius. Heck, they were so good with safety regulations. Remember how there are lions battling with gladiators? Well, that part is true, but we gotta make sure people around there don't get eaten right, so how? Hrm, what about keeping the animal in total darkness 72 hours prior to battle, then suddenly expose them to bright light during battle? Tadaa, blind animal! I'm not advocating animal cruelty, but that is a bloody smart way to ensure maximum safety yet still get people to buy the idea that this gladiator is really slaying a more powerful beast. Of course, there are plenty of other stories as testament to the Romans' smartness.

The Palatine Hill was the ruin of a crazy huge palace. As a matter of fact, everything built then was crazy huge it made me wonder if the people were actually bigger. The columns were all larger than life it's difficult to imagine what it took to build and sustain the architecture - genius! Roman Forums was lovely to explore, save for the blazing hot sun, which made it difficult to look around, but definitely worth a go.

Hanging gardens from the ruins of Palatine Palace

Part of the ruins of the Roman Forum, which used to be an important downtown marketplace

When I finally made it out of the Roman Forums, I was off to Piazza di Spagna for the famous Spanish steps. Though like the Trevi fountain, it was choke full of people rather than the attraction itself, but it was still gorgeous. Enjoyed my sights, and headed on to Trevi Fountain one last time. Managed to squish myself a space in front of the fountain, threw a coin and made a wish. I'll let you know when my wish comes true ;)

Look at amount of non-Spanish people on the Spanish Steps! =P 

Threw a coin, Goodbye Rome!

Left Rome, and my Europe journey early next morning, after a good breakfast of the best caffe latte I had so far, and a pain au chocolat.

The perfect Italian breakfast, missing it now.

Do try:
I honestly want to say everything and more but well, if pressing for time:

-Visit the Vatican City, both the Basilica and Museum, get a guided tour, book whatsoever, I promise it will be worth it. Climb the cupola, without the elevator if you don't have health issue, FUN!

- Visit the Colosseum, and make sure you are equipped with knowledge as well, there is so much to learn from these Romans.

- Visit the Trevi Fountain, crowds or not. Because it really is as gorgeous as the books, movies, media portray. And did you know it was the last surviving ancient water pipes the Roman made from the mountains into the city; yes fountain waters are drinkable.

- Visit the Borghese Gallery, because the art is amazing, and well it's one of the best collection of Bernini who practically beautified Rome - he spent 8 years of his life creating the interior of St Peter's Basilica

Tips:
- Get a day pass for transport. I didn't check the Rome Card, which might be more worth it depending on the attractions you go for. But a day pass cost 6 euros and you can use all the metros and buses.

- Get a guided tour for the important places, the Colosseum, St Peter's Basilica etc. Although for the Colosseum, I thought mine was way too short, and I did hear of tours that take you to the underground level which is restricted for common tourists. So do your research! Another point to do research on, there are two crypts in the Basilica, one open to everyone (which I couldn't find anyway), the other is the one featured in Dan Brown's Angels & Demons which you have to write in to the Vatican for permission. There is a procedure for it, and you just have to google, I'm not sure about the chances of definitely getting in though.

- Book tickets for busy places like Vatican City and Borghese Gallery, especially when they have time slots and/or limited number per entry. Like the Borghese Gallery, on the Sunday I went, all tickets were sold out till Tuesday.

- GO EARLY. Rome is infamous for crowds. When I got into the Basilica the 2nd time for my guided tour, which was about 45 minutes from when I first went in, it was beginning to be so packed because of the tour groups. And the line outside the basilica stretched around its perimeter, not fun. Same with Vatican museum, I thought my 12pm slot was bad, the afternoon slots were even worse!

- If not rushing for time, I would suggest either spending a whole entire day in Vatican, and seriously taking your time or breaking up visits to the St Peter's Basilica and Vatican Museum into two mornings. In my opinion, this helps deal with the information overload from so much of history in these places and help appreciate the stories even more. Otherwise the crowd really makes it difficult to enjoy, especially when you cannot take crowding like me.