Wholeheartedness 2.0

Being wholehearted. It's one of those terms that seem to keep popping up when I read recently, though I'm not sure how exactly it is defined. I interpret is as being sincere, genuine, and putting your whole self into "it", whatever "it" may be (hopefully not the horror clown).

In learning this term, I find myself reflecting a lot on wholeheartedness in relationships; not just romantic ones, but friendship, family or even acquaintances. If there's one thing this year has thought me, is that relationships between humans have the power to break you, but it could also be the one thing that lifts you. As a matter of fact, not just human relationships but also one with a higher spiritual being whoever your God may be to you. Connection is so intriguing, particularly positive connections.

In relationships, I find myself with an either-or dichotomy; I either don't put any effort, or if I put any effort, it's going to be every ounce of effort I can find and make. As  far as dichotomies go, they never work that well because the world is in shades of gray (more than 50 shades I'm sure), so I learn that being wholehearted could mean giving it all at whatever level it is. Take for example, acquaintances, we often think that it's not necessary to put in so much effort, because the relationship does not reflect the closeness we desire. But as I've learnt, even short positive connections which can only happen once, like a smile to a stranger on a street or a chat with the girl in the train next to you, can leave you (and probably the other person) full of joy. It doesn't matter if you've never met before, it doesn't matter if you won't meet again, what matters is in that moment, you were wholeheartedly connecting at whatever level you are comfortable with. If you're a more private person, disclose less, if you feel comfortable, disclose more - the authenticity is what matters. I used to think that since I'm not going to see the person again, then why bother putting in so much effort, why the need to put myself "out there". Yet, I'm beginning to realise that sometimes we may only have that one chance to speak into a person's life, or better still, let someone speak into our life. How do we do it if not by giving all we have in that moment wholeheartedly?

Things get more complicated with long term relationships. Whether friendships or romantic partners, we have all been hurt. And the very thought of having a preceding history can be a burden to give it all again, simply because there is the expectation and the fear that this wholeheartedness will not be reciprocated, that history will repeat itself. The alternative though, is that what you had can be the hope that there is a chance for everything to be alright again. It's hard to put in your whole heart when it's been wounded before, I mean, is that even a whole heart to be put into again? Which is why first loves, lost loves tend to take a part of our heart we perceive to never be returned - the first stab is always the hardest. I'm quite sure we can all remember our first loves, or if not, the first time we actually had a close friend hurt our heart. And the most common question that follows is, can we love again? Like with that 100% we started with, in any of the relationships we have with any human that comes after this loss?

While I don't have any scientific reference, haha, I think wholeheartedness works this way. Yes, a part of your heart/memory/mind/whatever bits will remain with the person you love/care/lost. And yes, it's a part which probably can't be returned, recreated whatsoever. But no, it does not have to be a negative consequence that affect every other relationships that come after. If we consider that we only have 100% of a heart in whatever form, and with each hurt, a part gets hacked away, and we're only left with that little to love those that well, came late in the queue. Yet, what if our heart is infinite? And the love we can give is infinite? And each time we love, hurt, lost, heal, we are still are infinitely whole in a different form (still a 100% if you really need to put a number to this)? This different form can include the past, or not include the past, that is entirely your process. I vouch for including the past, and melding it as part of future.
Like playing plasticine, when you have a red bit broken off the colourful lump of heart, it's difficult to mould it exactly into its spot again. Nevertheless, we can still mould it in, just in a different form.We are still who we were, are and will be, just with upgraded versions.

Wholeheartedness again. Wholeheartedness 2.0. 3.0. 4.0 n.0

If we just look at how we cared and got hurt from caring, and how it chips away bits and pieces of us that never come back, and that we are forever left un-whole, we will never be able to be wholehearted.

I like this sentence; "Remember, those things will never happen again but they cannot unhappen" The past happened, we wholeheartedly let it happen once, so it won't unhappen itself just cause it no longer happens anymore. But we can let new things happen, whether it will repeat what has happened it a story of the future.

Right now, it's being wholeheartedly savouring, and graciously accepting the blessings in your life.

(Image source: http://asset1.itsnicethat.com/system/files/102012/508a494f5c3e3c2e2200b24d/img_col_4/LIST.jpg?1351242137)

Break one off, connect it to the other and reconnect.

I've got a couple of videos here that sorta-kinda relates to being wholehearted, haha because they revolve around some theme of a journey in relationships.

The first is "The Last"  (no pun intended) by Wong Fu productions which I think would have been talked to death by now. Personally, I really looked forward to it after watching the trailer and I was not disappointed. Really enjoyed the play on the concept of Wh-words; gave the story dimension. Wholeheartedness was captured in the video because even though she was the 6th person, she encapsulated everything. Whether or not the previous 5 only encapsulated one aspect of his life or more is open to debate. And I hope that every person, guy or girl who utters such words of such weight, holds on to the meaning wholeheartedly.

The next two videos are perhaps somewhat in opposition with each other in terms of story line. "The Last Part" had a happier ending where two people who were in a journey together, had an end together while "Say Goodbye" also touched on another long journey between two people, but well, it was a less happy ending at least from most fairytale perspectives, hehe. Again, being wholehearted means to be to be so in the entire journey however long, or short, whatever the ending may be.

As a matter of fact, I think that was described very well in the Director's notes for "The Last Part" and I quote "good things are always worked for, cared for and preserved". Wholeheartedly.

I didn't write this to promote any videos, though I think they all deserve massive credits. It was just an amazing coincidence or blessing rather, that I came across all 3 as I was thinking of this particular topic close to my heart.

And Danielle LaPorte once said "The antidote to exhaustion is not rest, it's wholeheartedness"

You ready for wholehearted 2.0? =)