To Be Continued...

Sometimes I'm so fixated on the now, how horrible it is now, how uncomfortable, how I don't want to be here. How now sucks (full stop).

And then I am reminded of the past, and the possible future. How I have thrived in the past, the good-bad-funny memories.
And also of the future. How it is so uncertain, but if anything that just means it can be bad...or good. And good is well, where I hope to be. Hope, that's the key.

There is beauty in continuity.

One of the themes that emerge from my dissertation research on high-quality relationships is that our strongest relatlationship have a past, and have an intention for a possible future. I think that is Life in general, to see it as progress, rather than being stumped like a full-stop cradled by the abyss.

This totally goes against the practice of mindfulness which focuses on the here and now; that only now exists. Jon Kabat-Zinn would totally flip at the statement I just made about the need for continuity, need for a past and future. Actually, he won't flip, he would probably just be aware of his intention to flip but hold it in awareness without judgment, haha. Jokes jokes. I'm still new to meditation but learning its principles and practice have made quite the difference in my life, so I don't mean to be offensive.

Back to my point. I think remembering life as 'flow' instead of stagnancy helps release us from the fixation of how uncanny life can be at this moment in life. And sometimes, we just need to travel through time (or possible time) to fuel that sliver of hope and faith.

That does not mean that now is not important, without a now, back then and after that would cease to exist. Even if they do exist, there cease to be meaning because you are always looking to get somewhere else other than the only place your are in, right now. Why 'time traveling' of this sort is risky is because of our expectation for now to to be back then, and to be repeated in after that. This will never happen. ever. It is when we attempt to replicate the exact situation of the past in the present or the future that time travel becomes suffering, now is seen as a holding place, a temporary prison, a bus stop where you are fidgeting looking at your watch waiting to be where after that is, hopefully an after that that resembles back then.

That moment back then when you followed your heart, turn around, did the stupidest thing of hugging someone tightly just to found it reciprocated with the best embrace ever? If right now, right. this. moment. you choose to do the same thing, it might happen again. or not. And to expect that doing it now will definitely meet your expectations as it once was will just make you not realise how amazing the current moment of courage is. The moment where you actually want to take another chance, the moment where it's about you having the courage again...not so much the you that is only looking forward to know the consequences of your actions.

Or the most relatable example; how people say no any other time of falling in love is like the first. and it shouldn't be. Don't think we can all go through the craziness 5 times, twice maybe, but more, well hmm. While it could be the most beautiful thing that ever happened to you (and it probably is), it's only the most beautiful compared to itself. Not to any of the love after that. And traveling through time, hoping the feelings or rather, letting the perceptions of the feelings back then colour your now and after that, no one is going to be happy. You. are not going to be happy.

But traveling back then can amount to goodness as well, even if it already happened. In my experience, such exploration can be equated to be flipping back to the dog-eared page of the book you've read, to find the sentence that gave it the dog-ear.....and another sentence that you never realised back then but now light has shine on it. Literally and metaphorically, =)
And perhaps, when it comes to traveling to after that, the little journey can help build "a little bit of hope - hard-earned, well deserved, reasonable" (Life of Pi, Martel, 2012)

So travel. We talk about travelling to all corners of the world, wanderlust for the most gorgeous sights in the world. But what about the prettiest places in our hearts, the corners of stories of our life? Maybe if you need a break from the uncanny now, a short travel to back then and after that might just be the getaway you need. I suggest solitude with coffee or tea.

 And as always, it's important to return safely. Travel safe!