Honestly, well...

Be honest. That's something we're taught since young. You would think that as we get older, it should be easier given the years it's been ingrained in us. But really, it doesn't get any easier, if anything it gets harder (maybe it's something to do with lack of practice, haha).

I'll list three situations where I believe honesty is the best policy, yet leaves me personally cringing when I have to deal with it.

Asking questions
It's not so much asking questions in a lecture hall of 250 people. In such situation, I think the lecturer is probably cringing more than I am, haha. I'm talking about a one-to-one situation. Just you and the other person. And it usually involves clearing some sort of ambiguity that has been troubling you, though it can also be general questions about happy times. Plus it would involve asking open-ended questions. "We are okay, right?" is not open, that is trying to get a validation of your own expectation. But asking something by the lines of "What do you think about us now?" is giving total control to the other person to answer anything from what you expect to something totally diverted to no answer. That moment-to-moment unfolding of each phrase of your question to that moment filled with silence of thinking to the moment they open their mouth and you know they have some answer - you just don't know what the answer will be like, or how you'll react to the answer. Just the thought of such confrontations leaves me clambering for my duvet. And personal advice, don't do it in a moving car, you might feel very tempted to open the car door and jump out, haha. Though I would say it's the best strategy if you want a captured audience.

Giving compliments
You would think this would be done snap-snap. Na-uh, not for me at least. I remember early this year in Starbucks where I was waiting for my takeaway coffee at the collection table. There was this other lady who came after me and was waiting for her coffee, and she had crazy gorgeous eyes. They were the most smiley eyes I ever saw. And she was very polite too, we didn't make conversation but she would always smile back whenever we happen to make eye contact. So my mocha came, and whaddya know she ordered mocha too, so she was about to take it (I think she was just being blur, not mean in cutting queues) but when she realised it was mine, she said sorry and smiled back. At that moment, I couldn't resist but compliment her on her eyes. "You have very beautiful eyes". I could barely say it without resisting to look away, yet I really feel I should to let her know. A genuine compliment always makes a person's day. She was quite taken aback (maybe she thought I was hitting on her) but smiled anyway, a giggle actually while I took my takeaway coffee and scurried off.
But giving someone a compliment made me feel good. Yet, it doesn't make it any easier the next time I wanted to compliment someone, guy or girl about something I feel genuinely they should know. Especially face-to-face. And I think I totally get how dudes find it difficult to be honest with a lady, or just chat her up. Definitely require guts. Maybe an exit plan in a form of takeaway coffee could help with the guts? Haha

Saying sorry/ Owning up
Even when I'm wrong, even when I really really want to say sorry. It's challenging to look a person in the eye and say, I'm sorry, I screwed up. Especially when I don't know exactly what made me screw up, and there's nothing I can do in the present moment to make up for the mess. Total guiltball. To look at a person's disappointed or sad look, and know you can't do anything for now, that really sucks. And seeing their conflict of willing to forgive you anyway, yet they can't deny they are sad about it. Look away, look away. But a genuine sorry eye-to-eye really means a lot. Even amidst the discomfort of silence that fill the moments as you let them process the situation. It is not the same over any other media. Because if not done well, you walk away feeling like a bigger loser than when you actually make the mistake since you can't even do the very least of a genuine sorry.

I think what lies beneath these situations that make them so simple yet so difficult, is our vulnerability.

Whether it is the vulnerability of giving someone the reins to answer a question that might break your ego,
or the vulnerability of being nice to someone and they give you a o.O look,
or the vulnerability of admitting to yourself more than anyone else that you wronged someone that means something to you.

These require massive courage, for us to realise that for once, let's not make it about ourselves, particularly our ego. An ego that is constructed from years of self-perpetuating dishonesty cycles, from a society that sometimes value running away as the easier option, from your self-beliefs that people's reaction make you. It could influence you, but no one makes you more than you.

When there is no courage, often, silence happens. And it's not the sort of peaceful silence that is rare. It's the kind of silence that haunts us on deathbeds, in confessions, over a glass of wine and regret. Yet we find ourselves asking "What would you say if you know no one can hear you?".

I ask; "What would you say if you know someone can hear you, and know that the someone chooses to understand?"