I read this article some time back, and it revolves around the old adage of "nice people finish last"; which is usually not a good thing especially if the metaphor is a race in life.
Anyway, the article has about 4 page of comments the last I skim through, and reading it will give you a good wholesome view on people who agree/disagree/indifferent towards the concepts put forth in the article. I have to say I'm one of those who leans toward the type who is more likely to cringe as I read the article. One because I don't agree personally with the concepts, two because I have observed enough to know that there are some grains of truth there that can't be denied. Nevertheless, can't be denied does not mean it has to hold true given our society is always changing (thank God!).
We always want what we can't have, that unfortunately has been the primary value advocated in a never-enough society. Which I guess is partially born out of the massive capitalism rush we have had throughout the recent century. So when you become the person less available, less nice, less *insert something not enough*, the implied value is that you are sacred, and sacred is always good.
What I disagree though is how "nice" becomes a term that leaves a bad taste in one's mouth. Oh yea, he/she is well, nice la. It has come to a point that being nice is an insult; even when nice can be kind, or gentle, or agreeable. And while I agree that "nice" does not equal to doormat, I also don't think that un-nice-ing oneself is going to lead to any happiness. For one, if you are really authentically being nice, asking you to go against yourself is likely to make you cringe, and two, resentment occurs when you change because of "wiser" advice in hopes that it will create a change for the better, yet this better change never came.
I do think people still need and should remain nice to others.
And not forget to be nice to themselves. It does not have to be either-or. By being nice to others does not mean you have to be un-nice to yourself, whoever came up with that concept? Some of the comments touch on the idea of setting boundaries and I think that is one key in maintaining your authenticity and attaining that happiness you desire.
Nice people, continue being nice to others, we all appreciate it, we really do. But understand that appreciation does not mean we will give our life to you and that you are our soul mate. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Because there is no direct correlation that if you are nice to someone, they have to marry you, or reciprocate your love. Personally, if I'm nice to someone I fancy, and that person for better or worse does not reciprocate, I still think my niceness is rewarded if they can politely and respectfully be honest with their feelings (or the lack of it, haha). Of course, we all want to get the right boy/girl at the end of the day, but niceness is not a strategy, it's a being, it's part of compassion for humans in general.
We treat people nice because people deserve to be treated nice, because we are humans. I try to adhere to this everyday and I have to admit, some people don't make it easy =P
Nice people, be nice to yourself. Don't create an "unavailable" facade but you are actually lying at home waiting for a text. If you are available, so be it. If you are not, because you are involved with your own life, so be it. Again, nice does not = not getting satisfaction in a relationship; neither does un-nice = the world will worship me (though it might seems so at the surface of it, haha)
I can't say the same for the world, but I can say it from my own perspective - that the world is a much better place because of people who are nice, because they are being nice.
And if you finish last anyway, it can't be that bad especially if the metaphor is the bottom of a good tray of yam cake, my grandma always told me that's where all the goodies are ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment