Teacher Sorrow, Teacher Pleasure

"I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser,
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me."
-Robert Browning Hamilton-

This is one of my favourite quotes, helps me normalize suffering times, like period pains. Haha.

Jokes aside. As someone who personally advocates Positive Psychology, if we equate pleasurable times to positive times, it makes me wonder if we indeed can learn when we are all happy lalaland; and if Positive Psychology has any value at all.

Consider one time when you really learned an important lesson in life that you are ever grateful for.

Was it totally pleasurable? Or was there at least some sense of discomfort that elicited negative emotions?

While we shun from negative emotions, it is essentially the brain's defensive mode of realising that we are in a negative situation and that we need to get out of it. The process of getting out of it is where we (usually) learn. Then we get to the pleasurable situation we desire, until the next time we find ourselves in some discomfort again.

So, it really seems that Sorrow is necessary and well, Pleasure is just a desired end? Thus, it boggles me how pleasure and/or its cousins (i.e. happiness) can help much other than maybe just playing a part in the process of getting out of Sorrow. Then it hit me, that's what it is about, the role it plays in the process.

Can you remember the time when it was so difficult to get out of sorrow, and you just felt like no amount of wise words on Tumblr or funny 9gag memes can pull you through, when one person, just one person told you that they believe in you, that you can walk through this and they walk with you? See, Pleasure on its own really is lalaland, but when we see pleasure as part of its other constructs such as hope, gratitude, faith, Pleasure becomes a very strong motivation in guiding one out of the darkness. Sometimes we need that little belief in us, and not just all realism to help us believe we can move on. It does not have to be logical or rational, but it does make us feel good enough to walk through it.

And then it hit me again, about how Pleasure or when we feel good, our eyes are open to so much beauty in the world. This being open to beauty and good things is inherently what keeps us believing we will get out of being sorrowful and learn the lessons Sorrow is teaching. In that case, Pleasure isn't exactly useless after all huh?

Personally, Sorrow taught me a lot, it's one of my greatest teachers because I find that I learn so much more when I thrive. But I also realise a life of Sorrow, no matter how much thriving and overcoming just makes one feel like life is suppose to be a constant work. While it will always be that to a certain extent, Pleasure, or particularly happiness opened my heart to see beyond this life full of effort, that living can be effortful and effortless. I saw and felt things I know I would never be able to experience if it was just Sorrow. Pleasure taught me the grace of accepting that things can be simply good, because life can be simply good and when that happens, it's about embracing and not overcoming. This one lesson is something new I've learn this year, a lesson much appreciated thanks to teacher Pleasure =)

So I guess that instills my faith in Positive Psychology, that when approached with the best fit and right heart, it can be an equally good teacher as Sorrow.

And that I'll always remind myself that life is a learning journey with both Sorrow and Pleasure.