Love's Insurance

Dear both of you,

Hello =)

I just thought that I could help give my perspective, and yes that means you can take it, leave it or don't give two shits about it. But I hope you at least listen once with an open mind - most importantly, an open heart.

Love has no insurance.

Yes, that's the bad news, among most of the ambiguous, vague news associated with what we humans call love. There is no insurance because if there is, I would sure as hell buy one, regardless of price. Given my tendency to be as volatile as most women out there (or humans in general really), who the heck does not want some form of insurance to guarantee that if I put my whole heart and soul into any relationship, the other person will con-damn-firm reciprocate equally, if not more. 

Thing is, I don't think that is real. And the other thing is, we like to think it's possible, it's "real" and so we create our idea of insurance. Oh, and there are plenty of ways we create such insurance. Maybe by being the "perfect" boyfriend/girlfriend/human, making sure that there is no absolute room for mistake, making sure that we don't repeat mistakes others make. Or by imitating and repeating what seems to work for that perfect couple we always admire, that we should make sure we take every single same step because that should guarantee sure-fire-happy-forever, right? Or by pointing out the other person's mistake, and how it's the other person's fault and if only the other person would change, everything would be better. Or by blaming all on me, poor old me who can never do anything right, not even my relationship, I can never be good enough.

Etc. etc. etc.

Tell me then, have those "insurances" worked? Once or twice maybe, the other times? Totally gone off unexpectedly. 

Love makes you breathe fear and shit vulnerability, and that's romantic, that's human.

You can't say you accept someone's wrongdoings and who they are, yet you want a guarantee that they will be goddamn sure not to repeat it the next time around. That every time a situation is close to triggering these behaviours that turn you off the story line begins to revolve around pointing fingers and omg-forgiveness-is-wasted.

Did you really forgive? You can't accept yet don't trust and forgive. That is the most fertile breeding ground for resentment. I've been there, and it is not fun. You can't quicken the process of forgiveness and moving past hurt without actually feeling the hurt. Because you will get to the end point to realise you've just been thrown back to the starting point - twice as far.

Did you see him/her as a human? More than your boyfriend/girlfriend. More than what their name brings with their personality and what their histories have told you, do you see them as a human as vulnerable as your are, as scared as you are; that hey, you are both in the same arena, not opposite ends?

I don't know why you both got into where you both are. Feelings? Lust? Loneliness?

Or, maybe love? Real love, love that you both define as true. No one can say it is, nor can they say it isn't, the both of you get to decide that.

So, where do we go from here you ask me? I'll throw that question back at both of you, and actually, I have more questions =)

Will you see each other as human beings, above all the external identities your history, society and life has prescribe upon you?
Will you respect that your relationship is a relationship unique to the both of you, with the romance, rough edges, weird spots and eccentric lines all belonging to both of you and only you both?
Will you see the problems that now occur as something that stems from both sides, and that both sides initiate and reciprocate it in order to fuel it, and that both of you needs to work on it with your strengths and advantages?

Will you believe, have faith, and trust a love like yours is never to be found again?

Sincerely, with all my hopes, blessings and prayers for you both,
A friend.