It's supposed to be like that la.

We critic too much and compliment too little. Agree?

Okay if you don't agree, that's a proposition I'm putting forth, haha. Recently I've been hearing and witnessing a lot of harmless criticism such as in terms of teasing, stereotyping, labeling etc. The thing is, I don't think people utter all those with any malicious intentions, I just think that while we do so much of that, we sorta kinda forget to counteract it with compliments, or rather, honest niceties.

And this is more common with people you are closer with. No one calls a stranger "donkey" or "fatty bom bom", you can try, let me know what happens, haha.
While I think it's fun to tease around, and I actually think it's necessary as a way of people breaking boundaries within them, what saddens me is when it gets thrown around so much, people who hear them start internalizing them. Doesn't help that humans brain are wired for negativity (no thanks to our survival instincts), so we tend to remember the only negative comment out of 10 positive comments. So imagine if the ratio of negative/less positive utterances are way more than honest niceties, doesn't it become more difficult to internalize the niceties when it really happens? One reason why we all end up being cynical when we hear niceties; "Eh, you want something ah?"

We are all encouraged to accept positive comments given to us rather than deny it and go "No la, you also mar"/"Where got"/"Omg, not true!". But how do we accept it when our daily conversations revolve around reinforcing negativity, even in the name of fun. I've known people who when I try to honestly tell them something good about them and within evidence (i.e. a particular action they did), all I get is full on denial because they are stupid anyway. And why are they stupid? Because "everyone" thinks so, and this "everyone" is almost always people who are close such as their other half, parents, siblings, friends etc. It makes me sad, so I can't imagine how the person who gets it actually feels.

I'm not advocating niceties all the time. Like how kids' self-esteem are bolstered so much that they think they are so privileged because every time they fail, someone tells them "No, no, not your fault darling, the nut should have known how to crack its own shell, your poor poor fingers". =_= Na-uh, not what I meant at all. I'm talking about how we call people silly, dumb, bimbo, etc etc they forget that they are awesome. And we honestly need not wait till deathbeds or epitaphs or speeches at a funeral to remember how great someone is. Why can't we tell them that today? If they are wearing a nice dress, tell them, or if they smell good, tell them, if you are amazed at how they handle a conflict, tell them, if you know they did a kind did, TELL.THEM. Not because you are trying to be nice, but because I think we humans need a lot more obvious TLC in an era where negativity is they way it's "supposed to be". And with people we are close too, we need to level-up in this arena.

Which brings me to the topic of labeling. I categorise a lot, much like most people. Humans evolve with categorisation abilities and tendencies because it helps us process information faster in an overly informed world. But too much of good things really can be bad, I kid you not. A particular labeling category that irks me is one concerning gender. And I will admit that I fall prey to it as well, and I intend to learn to be beyond that. Girls are supposed to be whiny, guys are supposed to be stoic. How many of us daresay we have not poke fun at this stereotype? While fun is good, it also indirectly internalizes it - the scenario of a whingeing indecisive girlfriend, and an impatient-couldn't-care-less boyfriend, because that is the way it is suppose to be. No, it's not. It's the social context we've been brought up in, and while it has tremendous powers, it is built upon us - we can be the change.

Generative labeling. That's how I like to think about labeling, that it's a necessary evil, because we do need to categorise, but we also don't need to let it stop there. What if the labeling helps manage things better? This I think would be essential in areas such as mental disorders where labeling helps us identify what is possibly right, or wrong, but it is to help us work beyond that, and not just slap on a label like it's a death sentence. Or just like in the gender situation, yes a girl may be more whiny, or a guy may be more stoic, but beyond that, the labeling should create positive conversations on how to move away from a one-dimensional labels. "Yea, I'm whining a bit too much when it comes to weather, I'll remember that next time" While we are not on a journey to create perfect, mistake-less humans, I think we can work at a journey towards more authentic people. Yes, we whine sometimes, yes, you label me as a whiner, but yes, you also understand that  I am more than a whiner, and I know you understand that.

Nothing is supposed-to-be. At least I find it very hard to keep to something because it's "like that la". And while it explains my tendency to wreck some of my cooking recipes, it would be nice if people conform yet understand what it means to them personally. Don't la go all deviantly against every single aspect of the society; actually, that's fine, go ahead, but be a rebel with a cause, and hopefully, this cause is humanity.

Or maybe I'm just a (overly) sensitive soul ;)