Macarons and Traffic Lights

"Tell me a story of happiness"

"It was one of those tiring-life-zoned-out days. Despite date night, shopping and a green tea latte, meh was probably the word to describe how I felt. He was really concerned. More than that, he felt bad for dragging me along. I don't think it helped that in the midst of buying him a macaron, I actually got it for free. That itself gave me a sparkle in my eyes, something he didn't see the entire night. The free macaron is flattering really, and that gave some moment of euphoria"

"Oh, so happiness is that euphoric feeling?"

"Yes. 

And no. That fades, and fades very quickly. When it fades into the background, what remains is a tiredness of a high. That's a happy feeling. But joy? Joy is when after that euphorically tiring episode, you sit in the car, see the face of the person you love illuminated by the traffic lights, leaning into his shoulder and feeling like there's no where else in the world you can feel this sort of safety, and love. That is something no free macaron can ever leave and sustain"

"Does he know?"

"I hope he realises, and he knows that while he may not be happiness every day, he is joy, and that remains long after happiness fleets."

Chasing the Aurora

2nd January 2013

I saw the Northern Lights, the Aurora Borealis. To many, myself included, this was a dream come true. The faint green glow across cloudy skies prove to challenge what my naked eye could see in the beauty of the photos and videos that have fed my expectations - a bit too much.

When everyone asked me how was the Aurora, or tell me how lucky I am to have seen it, I'm greeted with a feeling of gratitude laced with guilt. Because in all honesty, I have to confess, it didn't leave me in awe. Yet, I felt it was not right to tell those who ask how beautiful it was, to tell them my perception of it. A perception that was influenced by the weather, the place I was in, and most of all, my expectations. I didn't want to be adding another set of perceptions to people's expectations.

It got me thinking though, this view I had of the Aurora Borealis. It reminds me of life, and how we are always chasing our desires. But sometimes, our desires don't turn out to be what we expect them to be. When that happens, it's difficult to reconcile the conflicting feelings within. You should feel overjoyed, and yes there is a sense of gratitude, though it feels like a bit of a let down and you're guilty for feeling so. Don't get me wrong, chase your desires. But that's just it, are they YOUR desires? Is the Aurora gorgeous because you really believe the phenomenon is life's awe or is it because it's on everyone's bucket list, and the TV and videos and HD photos just make it more gorgeous than it actually is. Again, the Aurora is gorgeous, but not the WOAH! impression, it's a silent beauty, a quiet glow, that can only be appreciated with a contented heart. While I was not left as impressed as I imagined to be, I wasn't exactly disappointed as well. As a matter of fact, I was more eager than ever to work my way to find my way up to the Scandinavian countries where there is a better view of the Aurora, or so they say. And this time, I want to do it because I really believe I can see more of the Aurora - never-ending desires or motivation? We won't know now I guess.

So, what does your Aurora look like? Can you chase after it answering your conscience, and let go of all attachment related to the outcome, whatever the outcome may be? God willing, the outcome is as you expect, but God willing also, that you have the gratitude to accept whatever outcome comes up.

Gotta run! ;)

Uncredited Happiness

Do you believe in happiness?

I should reiterate; do you think you can achieve happiness, however you choose to define "happiness"? Most of the time we assume we are deserving of happiness, and happiness is a privilege yet when it comes down to it, I think most of us find it hard to believe that we can be that happy, especially in the truest, happiest moments.

How many times have we found it annoying, and un-human-like for a person to be happy/optimistic all the time? You know that one chirpy person we all come to know? How on earth does he/she stay on top of that all.the.time?
Why would we question that?
Why would we wonder why someone can stay so Pollyanna-ish?
Why must a person be sad or portray some negative emotion to be considered "human"?
Why do we even wonder about things like that if we believe we can be truly happy all.the.time?

And. What have we done as a fellow human to deserve to see the inch of vulnerability from these people (should we expect to see it) other than prod at their unbelievable happiness?

I like the excerpt below:

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It's more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.” 
― Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

Finally, a question for myself and whoever interested, can we really believe in others happiness, if we don't believe ourselves to be happy?