The Kitchen God's Wife - Amy Tan

"Isn't that how it is when you must decide with your heart? You are not just choosing one thing over another. You are choosing what you want. And you are also choosing what somebody else does not want, and all the consequences that follow. You can tell yourself that's not your problem, but those words do not wash the trouble away. Maybe it is no longer a problem in your life. But it is always problem in your heart. And I can tell you, that afternoon, when I knew what I wanted, I cried, just like a child who cannot explain why she is crying." (pg. 360)

That paragraph was the reason I bought the book, found it on someone else' Tumblr I think? Initially I thought the context revolves around to lovers (sounds very Nicholas Sparks, no?) but when I found out it was between her freedom and her father's life, those sentences just sound more powerful than ever.

So what do I think about the book? Morbid. Melancholic. If you have books like Cecelia Ahern's that teach about life and hope in a more jolly way, this would be a the opposite end of the spectrum. It is so sad omaigawd.

The story revolves around secrets, white lies and stories. It's about an old lady telling her daughter her whole life story, particularly as a lady growing up in traditional China and now she is a first generation Chinese immigrant to America, and her second-generation daughter does not understand her ways. As usual, this would mean evoking strong memories, untold stories that are shocking. Honestly, the melancholic details of her life seriously makes the book a sad read, not to mention the vivid details of a husband's evilness, rape, betrayal of family etc. Reading the details made me really concerned that I would get nightmares. It's one reason why I finished the book in 3 days, my quickest by far; though I have to admit the story line does attract me to want to know what's next, and when on earth is everything going to actually be okay. Ultimately though, this is a story of hope cannot exist without despair. That even in the darkest of all times, there is always, always hope. But her hope is construed in a different way:
"For the rest of the war, I lived a life without hope. But without hope, I no longer despaired. I no longer fought against my marriage. Yet, I did not accept it either. That was my life, everything always in between - without hope, yet without despair; without resistance, yet without acceptance. So you see, weak and strong."
Is that hope, or no hope or somewhere in between? I can't decide really.

What I really liked about the story was how it suggests that the stories we hear determine our beliefs. In ancient China, given that ladies are of the lowest status, what you know is what everyone tells you. Because you believe the stories are all sad, you expect your story to be sad as well. Isn't that what our life is? We are influenced by the stories around us, whether we like it or not, whether we realise it or not. And it's not till we are aware how these stories are shaping our beliefs and attitudes that we realise, we can rewrite stories, write our own stories. I think that's one of the most powerful messages in the story.

All in all, it's an interesting story akin to something of a thriller and mystery but unfolding between Chinese ladies walking in-between culture, family, past, present and future.

(Image source: http://cache0.bdcdn.net/assets/images/book/medium/9780/0071/9780007179978.jpg)

"I thought to myself, this is not being grateful, this is an excuse! The same kind of reasoning people used in China. Looking at someone else's misery so you would no longer have to think about your problems. Why you should compare your life that way? The kind of thinking only makes you afraid. You are only thinking what more you can lose, not hoping for something better. If I had thought this way in China, then I would still be there. Because I saw many, many with lives worse than my own." (pg. 332)