This one's inspired by an article from one of the most amazing people I know, and had the chance to work with; Mr Roshan Thiran (CEO of Leaderonomics Sdn. Bhd.).
He wrote an article published in the STAR (
"Who Packs YOUR Parachute?") which in a nutshell described the story of US Navy Jet pilot Charles Plumb who survived a combat mission destroyed by a surface-to-air missile thanks to his parachute. Despite being captured for 6 years, he survived, teaches leadership and in the process meets the person who packed his parachute - essentially the dude that probably saved his life.
Click link to read more, that's the whole point of the link.
On to my domesticated version, and I have intended to write this for the longest time since I've read the article, who packs
MY parachute?
My life itself is nothing close to any adventurous combat mission involving lotsa kaboomz but hey, life itself is worth fighting for no? With or without guns.
And the biggest question then is, who "saves" me? Not necessary when I am dying metaphorically from assignment stress or literally from a possible accident given my klutziness, but when I really feel helpless, weak etc, who is/are my parachutes, my safety bases?
Of course, one can argue especially if reading from the article that the whole idea revolving it is the importance of teams in business hah! If you didn't know that, you probably didn't read, shame on you.
But hey, aren't the people around you your team? Your life team as a matter of fact.
Take for example, family. These people are for better or worse, blood-related-born-to-be-obligated-teammates.
Besides blood relations and cultural norms and my lack of knowledge in any scientifically proven biological connection, why the heck is family obliged to pack your parachute?
Think about it, in times when you need to rant about your assignment for the N-th time, or when you are so tired from working OT, or when you are sick in bed with a cold. Mum comes in knocking, and the "nagging" starts. "Boy/girl, I told you to eat the Vitamin C everyday, don't listen, see now fall sick" and it goes on for quite a bit.
Nagging is not easy, neither is worrying, or caring. As someone who plays both the role of someone who is good at nagging yet hates being nagged, I can say, either role is not easy. But being the nagger kinda has the shorter end of the sick, cause it's not something easy to do especially out of care yet often misunderstood.
Your mum doesn't have to go out of her way to put Vitamin C and the best value one at that into her shopping list, remind herself to remind you to eat it, be disappointed when you don't eat it, then take care of you when you actually fall sick from not taking care of yourself. But she does it, simply because she care, simply because you are part of her team.
And for working teams, you'll be attracted towards some sort of organizational goal, but for mummy? I don't reckon your goal is any similar to hers, she in essence, doesn't get anything tangible in return. Other than feeling good because her son/daughter is fine.
Yet, thanks to her awesome husbandry and chicken soup, you're once again ready to take the world.
Now, tell me she doesn't deserve some form of tangible gratitude. No, not expensive gifts. I meant a sincere thank you. When was the last time you said that? =)
And that's just mum, don't get me started on daddy, sister, brother, cousin brother and the list goes on. Even longer list if you're from a collectivistic society, at least that's what research points to, haha.
My family packs my parachute. So well, so meticulous, I've managed to soar to higher heights, and land very safely from the many falls. Sometimes, the falls don't even feel like falls because more than making sure my parachute works, they also prepare a super awesome landing space, a safety net to ensure that I can continue my journey. Thank you.
They don't have to.
People don't understand when parents abuse their kids I still cannot comprehend that as well but we don't BOTHER understanding when they show extra love for us kids, as if it's so well deserving okay maybe to certain extent, if you finish your brocolli or something, haha
High time we say those thank you-s.
The words; you don't know what you have until you lost it will ring so loud when it actually happens. And no one wants that kinda ringing in life, as much as they can help it.
Then there are friends. Of course, given the numerous theories in the market (i.e. Social Exchange Theory) that speaks of friendship having reciprocated social exchanges that lead to continuity of the relationship, friends again, are not oblige to be there for you - even if you're so rich you buy them a sausage roll everyday for the school year and they get a tingly feeling of guilt every time they are less nice to you.
Really. Most people can be selfish someone once enlightened me about how people are naturally bad because hey, we never actually have to teach someone to be bad, but it takes a whole load to teach people to be minimally good. Agree or disagree is a point for another post.
So going by that premise, technically speaking, your friends can choose to reciprocate your niceness with mean-ness.
Often though, that doesn't happen with friends. Especially those in the true-est form.
You can forget to call them or make them wait 2 hours for you all the time or finish their sausage roll by accident, and all they are likely to do is frown, let out a deep sigh and say "Remind me why I'm your friend again?"
Before bursting into fits of laughter. Together with you.
Now, when does the gratitude for them happen? We often forget to say thank you, forget to say "Hey, I'm glad we're friends" because well, being friends for so long and so comfortable, you kinda have the silent agreement of you-know-I-know-we-appreciate-each-other.
It's silent. and sometimes too silent, it becomes unheard for a long long time.
That's a good time to say it out loud, as a reminder, as doing your part of being a friend.
Gratitude is simply just letting the person know that you are aware of what they are doing, past, present and (illogically speaking) the future.
If it's nice to be appreciated, trust me, it feels equally good to show appreciation for those you know deserve it. Just that it requires more effort sometimes, like all giving is more effortful than receiving.
I have awesome friends. If there's anything like karma, which I do believe in by the way, I must've done pretty good stuff because I am blessed with the best people I can get.
There's the Chinese proverb that goes 在家靠父母, 在外靠朋友 ; which basically means "whilst one depends on parents at home, one should depends on friends when venturing outside".
Pretty true considering the numerous times I had my butt saved thanks to awesome friends. Or even those times when the fear and self-doubts crowd you like the feeling of leaping from a combat plane, I always find myself having a friend or at least the feeling of having someone to depend on.
Someone who lets me know my parachute is working fine, and that I can continue flying. Even if I fall, they'll be there. Cause hey, we're part of each other's life team. Thank you.
Then there's the presence of your other half; who really at times probably annoy you so much you're tempted to shoot a missile at them but only often because you care la, really, haha.
Despite all that, he/she provides you with a form of safety net, slightly different from the makings of friends or family.
Often he/she is your combat partner, the one who does the last check on your parachute making sure you're good to go, safe to fly.
Do they get a thank you? Probably rarer than friends. As life would make it out to be, often those closest to us are taken for granted. And I'm not sure if you realise this, but we're way more forgiving with friends than with our other half; mostly to do with expectations.
The role as your other half does come with a list of pre-requisite expectations, but again, no one says anyone has to do anything for anyone just cause they play a role. Cultural norms social norms what not, some things do come from the heart.
and that itself, deserves a thank you.
I never imagined myself saying this in a million years this is where you let out the guffaw you've been trying to hold, but I am so blessed to have a really amazing guy by my side. Someone I can be myself with, and best of all, he accepts the whole of me - at least for now my turn to guffaw, hahaha!
Though very much physically apart, it's nice to know that there's a safety net to fall on, despite flying 7000 miles away. Thank you.
If in business it boils down to your employees and relations with them as per mentioned in the article, in life, it boils down to the relationship you have with these closest people.
Gratitude is an amazing force. If spending one minute of Facebook or Twitter means you have one minute of saying thank you to someone who deserves it, DO IT. Now.
Thank you my parents because if it wasn't for you both I would not be able to live such a comfortable "student-budget-life", or have the strength to do what I have to do, want to do even when sometimes I get so stressed out and tired.
Thank you my siblings for being amazingly supportive they would burn bullies' house down for me, and encouraging me in the weirdest ways like telling me I'm fat. yes, I feel the love. I really do.
Thank you my family, people like my grandmother who single-handedly sew me a blanket just so I have a piece of family to bring to UK, my cousis sister who never fails to remind me that I am always in their thought at home. You have no idea how much it eases loneliness.
Thank you my besties and close buds from everywhere, who despite the crazy time difference, still think of each other and capitalize on amazing technologies (i.e. Facebook) to keep in touch. Who despite being so far away all the time, somehow when the time calls for it, something somewhere will remind me that I have people like you to give me strength.
And thank you my dear boyfriend who honestly I cannot decide if you overlap in the above category, but holding on, and taking care of me 7000 damn miles away, keeping my sanity intact. Most of all, always reminding me that I am strong enough to walk through all this.
“No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks”. — Unknown
