Recently, I had to deal with a situation that is not the fun-est to deal with.
My brother, taught me two lessons.
1) Live your principles, but don't let them punish you
I value integrity. Anyone who tries to defend their integrity by standing by their principles, by having their actions congruent with their words would know the challenge in doing so. Usually it's the world against you, but nothing beats having you against yourself - when you find that you have conflicting principles, when you realise that your principles might need a change; but isn't that failing integrity?
And my brother said; "Why do you let your principles punish you?" He went on to explain that while it is important to stand by your principles rather than be too much of a 'lalang'. But, and here comes the big but, it should not impede you, should not be a prosecutor because circumstances change. With changing circumstances, comes the need to reappraise our principles, to check if we are truly living authentically by them. If we are, yes please go ahead. If we are not, do we hold on, or is it time to change? To him and the situation I was dealing with, my principles became a hindrance for me to move on, it created a sort of analysis paralysis by making me believe that I'm "stuck" with these thoughts. When one is stuck, one is focused on a tunnel of negativity, and it becomes difficult to see solutions other than those already available.
He reminded me that I am empowered by my life principles, but that does not mean they have power over me.
Which brings me to the next point;
2) Learn your lessons, don't let your lessons create you
We are all given lessons in life, much so after bad experiences. The thing about experiences though, is while they leave you with great learnings, they also create a pool of emotions associated with such experiences. And the pain of learning is a good teacher, yet it does not change its identity that it is ultimately a form of pain. Unfortunately, when similar circumstances arise, it is easy to associate with the learnings of our previous experiences AND the pain that comes with it. That pain, or other associated negative emotions can skew the learning to make us feel like we cannot risk making a mistake again. And my brother said; "Don't let these lessons create you before you create the learning"
Of course, it can be argued that if that were to happen, all these silent negative emotions may indicate that we have not properly moved on. However, like all life loops, these emotions probably arise because of this new circumstance and without this new circumstance, we would never have realised these silent emotions. Does that mean we've not moved on? I don't think so. I'll like to think that this is part of life's continuity. We don't learn one lesson, full-stop that's it. It continues to build into future experiences, to see how we can apply the lesson, and from there, transform the future experiences for future future experiences.
In other words, we always always have the chance to relearn and reframe. As long as we realise that we are the one learning the lessons, the lessons don't make us who we are anymore that how much we take heed of it. We are and beyond the lessons we learn, don't let lessons scare and paralyse us.
There were more than two, but these two hit the right spot. Thank you bro!
And, he's my younger brother, massive proudness can?
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
Bubblegum Pop
Break out of your comfort zone.
That's the advice we are being fed most, if not all the time. And I think it's probably one of my favourite reminders. Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you", for it is then that we experience the best in life.
But how do we do that? Travel? Volunteer? Do something that you usually wouldn't do? Is it even remotely possible for humans to break out of whatever comfort zone they are in, without having a massive life overhaul?
I'd like to think I have tried breaking out of this comfort zone. Yet, I somehow don't feel I've broken enough, just seemed like I chipped enough of this zone. and that does not feel enough.
My recent conversation with a friend made me realise that maybe it's not so much how far I break out, when I break out, or whether I even break out. It's more a question of whether I can accept "enough", in its finest sense right now, right where I'm intended to be.
And then I remember an article a friend once wrote long ago, it's one of my favourite articles ever, and she has happily agreed to share (Thanks Tya!)
http://20somethingenlightening.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/the-comfort-zone-breaking-the-myth/
And everytime I read it, I remember that I am where I'm suppose to be and that I'm stretching this place, bit by bit, everyday.
At least it won't be overstretched and pop like a bubblegum splat! ;)
That's the advice we are being fed most, if not all the time. And I think it's probably one of my favourite reminders. Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you", for it is then that we experience the best in life.
But how do we do that? Travel? Volunteer? Do something that you usually wouldn't do? Is it even remotely possible for humans to break out of whatever comfort zone they are in, without having a massive life overhaul?
I'd like to think I have tried breaking out of this comfort zone. Yet, I somehow don't feel I've broken enough, just seemed like I chipped enough of this zone. and that does not feel enough.
My recent conversation with a friend made me realise that maybe it's not so much how far I break out, when I break out, or whether I even break out. It's more a question of whether I can accept "enough", in its finest sense right now, right where I'm intended to be.
And then I remember an article a friend once wrote long ago, it's one of my favourite articles ever, and she has happily agreed to share (Thanks Tya!)
http://20somethingenlightening.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/the-comfort-zone-breaking-the-myth/
And everytime I read it, I remember that I am where I'm suppose to be and that I'm stretching this place, bit by bit, everyday.
At least it won't be overstretched and pop like a bubblegum splat! ;)
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Trust the Rope
I finally climbed Bukit Tabor. (!!!) It's been a mission I have intended to complete since I got to know about the place. Even more because I've been told I can't survive the climb seeing how careless I am. God willing, I survived without much casualty, sunburns don't really count la.
The best thing about being challenged in nature? You learn lessons. Today's climbing lessons?
1) Trust the Rope.
There was this point in the climb where it was a vertical climb down, and dear God, I am not good with steepness and on slippery rocks. My friend who was helping us down the climb kept reminding us to 'trust the rope'. It's not easy. You see that somewhat-strong looking rope, and then you compare with it your perception of whether it can support your weight, and then you see the drop, straight down. But if there's anything more difficult than moving forward past a challenge is also knowing that you can't get back. The in-between-ness of life that afflicts most of us often makes us feel paralysed.
Yet, we are always blessed with 'ropes' to guide us across our challenge. The thing is, this rope does not come with SIRIM quality safety stamp of security. And often, the rope is not ourselves. It's someone else, it's a feeling of faith or some resource we're not too sure we can rely on. Basically it's most likely some form of existence that is full of uncertainty, but a part of you knows that you have to know whether this is the one thing that will bring your across the crevice. Do it.
Sometimes we are 'ropes' to others; some more than others. And if you're blessed to have the ability to be one, embrace that calling, that opportunity. At the same time, to be 'ropes' to others, we need to first learn how it feels like to trust the rope ourselves. Otherwise, it's pretty difficult to understand the feeling of hanging by a rope in life, and when one does not understand, how does one do?
2) You don't know it till you are actually doing it
It's majorly helpful to have experienced people in life to help you navigate across obstacles. Then the time comes when you are left on your own to navigate an obstacle that only you can navigate. There will be pathways previously, however mild. There will even be instructions. But the fear-laced exhilaration when you are dealing with the obstacle head on is something you will never see if you are not in the arena, or even trying to learn from others. Yet, it is also this head-on honest confrontation that will teach you which footing should go where, these are situations where you learn to trust one of those you would always need to trust in life - yourself.
3) Values in convenience VS values in discomfort
It's easy to stay by our principles when it's to our convenience, when it's comforting and easy for us to carry it out. But the real challenge comes when it is difficult to practice what we preach. In the scorching sun, and painful feet positions because of a steep walk down - not easy to enjoy your surroundings. One of my values in life is to gratitude, to practice being grateful. And it is not easy when you are not in your best form. Yet, we're not in the best form half the time in our lives, and those time matters. Those time question your hold on these principles, on whether you really put your faith in them. I'm glad that I am reminded of this challenge, even if it means just taking two minutes to realise the surrounding I'm in, and to be grateful with it rather than just concentrating on finishing the trail.
I think this is why we're so encouraged to put ourselves in challenges that stretch our comfort zone. It activates our thinker mode. With heart, these thoughts become great lessons in life.
The best thing about being challenged in nature? You learn lessons. Today's climbing lessons?
1) Trust the Rope.
There was this point in the climb where it was a vertical climb down, and dear God, I am not good with steepness and on slippery rocks. My friend who was helping us down the climb kept reminding us to 'trust the rope'. It's not easy. You see that somewhat-strong looking rope, and then you compare with it your perception of whether it can support your weight, and then you see the drop, straight down. But if there's anything more difficult than moving forward past a challenge is also knowing that you can't get back. The in-between-ness of life that afflicts most of us often makes us feel paralysed.
Yet, we are always blessed with 'ropes' to guide us across our challenge. The thing is, this rope does not come with SIRIM quality safety stamp of security. And often, the rope is not ourselves. It's someone else, it's a feeling of faith or some resource we're not too sure we can rely on. Basically it's most likely some form of existence that is full of uncertainty, but a part of you knows that you have to know whether this is the one thing that will bring your across the crevice. Do it.
Sometimes we are 'ropes' to others; some more than others. And if you're blessed to have the ability to be one, embrace that calling, that opportunity. At the same time, to be 'ropes' to others, we need to first learn how it feels like to trust the rope ourselves. Otherwise, it's pretty difficult to understand the feeling of hanging by a rope in life, and when one does not understand, how does one do?
2) You don't know it till you are actually doing it
It's majorly helpful to have experienced people in life to help you navigate across obstacles. Then the time comes when you are left on your own to navigate an obstacle that only you can navigate. There will be pathways previously, however mild. There will even be instructions. But the fear-laced exhilaration when you are dealing with the obstacle head on is something you will never see if you are not in the arena, or even trying to learn from others. Yet, it is also this head-on honest confrontation that will teach you which footing should go where, these are situations where you learn to trust one of those you would always need to trust in life - yourself.
3) Values in convenience VS values in discomfort
It's easy to stay by our principles when it's to our convenience, when it's comforting and easy for us to carry it out. But the real challenge comes when it is difficult to practice what we preach. In the scorching sun, and painful feet positions because of a steep walk down - not easy to enjoy your surroundings. One of my values in life is to gratitude, to practice being grateful. And it is not easy when you are not in your best form. Yet, we're not in the best form half the time in our lives, and those time matters. Those time question your hold on these principles, on whether you really put your faith in them. I'm glad that I am reminded of this challenge, even if it means just taking two minutes to realise the surrounding I'm in, and to be grateful with it rather than just concentrating on finishing the trail.
I think this is why we're so encouraged to put ourselves in challenges that stretch our comfort zone. It activates our thinker mode. With heart, these thoughts become great lessons in life.
Different view, different perspectives.
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