Chasing the Aurora

2nd January 2013

I saw the Northern Lights, the Aurora Borealis. To many, myself included, this was a dream come true. The faint green glow across cloudy skies prove to challenge what my naked eye could see in the beauty of the photos and videos that have fed my expectations - a bit too much.

When everyone asked me how was the Aurora, or tell me how lucky I am to have seen it, I'm greeted with a feeling of gratitude laced with guilt. Because in all honesty, I have to confess, it didn't leave me in awe. Yet, I felt it was not right to tell those who ask how beautiful it was, to tell them my perception of it. A perception that was influenced by the weather, the place I was in, and most of all, my expectations. I didn't want to be adding another set of perceptions to people's expectations.

It got me thinking though, this view I had of the Aurora Borealis. It reminds me of life, and how we are always chasing our desires. But sometimes, our desires don't turn out to be what we expect them to be. When that happens, it's difficult to reconcile the conflicting feelings within. You should feel overjoyed, and yes there is a sense of gratitude, though it feels like a bit of a let down and you're guilty for feeling so. Don't get me wrong, chase your desires. But that's just it, are they YOUR desires? Is the Aurora gorgeous because you really believe the phenomenon is life's awe or is it because it's on everyone's bucket list, and the TV and videos and HD photos just make it more gorgeous than it actually is. Again, the Aurora is gorgeous, but not the WOAH! impression, it's a silent beauty, a quiet glow, that can only be appreciated with a contented heart. While I was not left as impressed as I imagined to be, I wasn't exactly disappointed as well. As a matter of fact, I was more eager than ever to work my way to find my way up to the Scandinavian countries where there is a better view of the Aurora, or so they say. And this time, I want to do it because I really believe I can see more of the Aurora - never-ending desires or motivation? We won't know now I guess.

So, what does your Aurora look like? Can you chase after it answering your conscience, and let go of all attachment related to the outcome, whatever the outcome may be? God willing, the outcome is as you expect, but God willing also, that you have the gratitude to accept whatever outcome comes up.

Gotta run! ;)

She was in Iceland

This time it was with family, and boy was it both fun and stressful, hahaha. Not to mention that it was during Winter, and we got the lottery of bad weather so it was icy + rainy altogether.

For my holiday in Iceland, I decided that it would be simpler to arrange a tour since I've looked up some of the stuff that might be interesting in Iceland, and the transportation part can be quite complicated. Since I was with my family, I wanted to reduce the complication as much as possible. That said and done, a couple of my friends who went to Iceland did not end up taking tour packages. Instead they decided on day trips when they got to the hotel. In that sense, they had more control over what hotel they stayed in and such. My package was with Icelandair thus it included flight and accommodation with breakfast.

Transportation:
As we got a tour package, I did not have to concern myself over the transportation means. Most places are easily walkable especially if you stay in the city centre. Buses were also available within city centre. However, in my personal opinion, it would be much more convenient to get a car. Parking seems aplenty

Base/Hotel: Fossbaron Hotel 
Location: 4/5
Environment: 3/5
Room: 3.5/5

The hotel was located two streets away from the city centre and faced the harbour which was quite a pretty sight even though it was cloudy and grey most of the time. One can easily explore the city centre from this hotel and even walk to the Old Harbour area which takes about a 20 minutes walk at average pace. It's 10 minutes away from the Orchestra Hall. That said and done, it was a dreary weather when we got to Iceland thus the environment wasn't as exciting especially when Reykjavik is quite the dull city with monotone buildings. The room itself was not bad as we got a spacious twin room. Bathroom was a bit troublesome as the shower area was small and as most Western countries have toilets with no draining holes, the bathroom was wet most of the time. Oh, and it was so difficult to control the temperature of the water as the source is from the natural hot springs so sometimes it's too hot or too cold. Nevertheless, hot baths are much welcomed in the weather. Another issue I had was free wifi only available in the lobby area; room wifi service is payable. That always annoys me, but hey, chance to be away from technology? Haha.

View from the Harbour walk

Day 1
Arrived in Evening
Dinner

I don't know how many times I've said this and I don't know how many times I don't learn my lesson. Arriving on New Year's day, and in the evening, is not the smartest idea. Public holiday would mean that most shops were closed which left us with Domino's for dinner. And one of the most expensive Domino's I had at that. The sun sets just before 4pm in winter so it was difficult to navigate around the area as we had to get used to the ice and still had no idea where we were in relation to the places of attraction. Thus the night was spent in the hotel. Not very exciting I know.

Day 2
Blue Lagoon Spa
Church (The Hallgimskirkja)
Northern Lights Chase

These two activities were part of the tour package. We had to pay extra 50 pounds per person on top of our tour package price for the Blue Lagoon Spa - it's like an add on. I think it's slightly cheaper if you were to sign up for the Blue Lagoon Spa once you get to your hotel; most hotels provide such service as this is a really popular attraction in Iceland. I would say the experience is lovely, especially when surrounded by white snowy mountains. One can easily spend half a day there. The changing amenities were clean and sufficient. It's easy to get back to the city as there is a bus every hour from 10am till 6pm. I didn't think the water was hot enough though - super torture to run from the exit into the outdoor pool at 2 degrees celcius; have to admit, it was fun though.

Blue Lagoon - a huge outdoor pool

The Hallgimskirkja, or church is a seriously gorgeous building. Very modern, and definitely not your typical church building. If I remembered correctly, it was only recently built, in 2005 as a complement to other churches around. Very simple interior with a huge brass organ. The best part was to climb up the tower, which journey could be completed by life, and then a climb up two flights of stairs. Easy peasy. Awesome view of Iceland as it turned dark, and I honestly think it as prettier at night with lights and snowy rooftops rather than the grey buildings in the morning.

Wonderful view

At night, around 9pm we followed the tour to find the Northern Lights. Given that the phenomenon is very weather and location-dependent, the hotel staff would usually be able to advice beforehand if the tour would go on for the day. Also, from my experience, I do think those who take you on the tour are quite responsible in trying to find the best spot for the aurora. Note though, it's probably also very dependent on personal luck if and when you see the phenomenon - how long, how bright etc. For us, it wasn't as mesmerizing as I expected it to be though my brother did catch some amazing photos using his DSLR. Nevertheless, the adventure of waiting in drastically cold winds, trying to capture the aurora with my camera and standing under fleeting clear bright starry skies was quite the worth as well.

Day 3
Golden Circle Tour
Old Harbour

This is the other tour we got as an add-on and it was an almost full day tour lasting about 9 hours? It included a visit to an Icelandic greenhouse, Gullfoss waterfall, Geysir and Thingvellir National Park. The greenhouse was interesting, and in my opinion helpful with sleepiness since the lights are meant to recreate a sunny weather complete with UV lights all. Seriously, the weather in general made me sleepy all the time. Anyway, it's interesting to learn about how vegetables are grown in Iceland, and they honestly live up to their name of 'greenhouses' what's with using biological pest control (bees from Holland) and systems that ensure the use of electricity is not wasted. Pretty cool. Oh and the greenhouse I went to had the loveliest tomato soup served with cinnamon bread, salivating for it now. The journey continues to the Gullfoss waterfall, otherwise known as the Golden Waterfall. Gorgeous sight even in the dreary weather. Apparently when it's sunny, you can see a rainbow across the waterfall.

Rows and rows of tomatoes

Gullfoss waterfall

Then it was onwards to the Geysirs where we stopped for lunch. Basically you go for a multimedia show about geysirs in Iceland which in my humble opinion was less than informative because most of environment that does not help with consolidating the speech from the different TV screens. There are information boards though but we got a bit bored. They Geysirs were an amazing sight, to stand there and wait for it to burst at intervals of 4 minutes was seriously cool! My mum even took a video of it. Finally, our last destination was to the national park. Unfortunately the rain started to heavier, making the icy floor almost impossible to walk on. I would have loved more time to visit the park where you can walk in the canyons cut by glaciers. After a long day, headed back home and rested in hotel.

 Here

 it

 comes!

Walking in the canyon

Since my mum and younger brother preferred to stay in, me and my other brother decided to go for a bit of a food hunting. We found the most famous hot dog stand in Iceland, and had pretty good lobster soup. Whale kebabs are horrible though, ugh. There's not much to see at the Old Harbour, but there were quite some nice restaurants and I think walking by the pier would have been a nice experience.

Day 4
Laugavegur Street

Woke up late due to the long previous day. Our flight was in the afternoon hence we wanted to head to the Harpa concert hall which looked like a magnificent building from the outside. Due to the sudden heavy rain, plans got cancelled and we duck into one of the cafes on Laugavegur street which is the downtown area filled with superbly quirky shops. Definitely would have loved to shop there. Had green tea latte at a cafe called Te & Kaffi, a small modern cafe before heading back and getting ready to leave.

Cute modern cafe

Do try:

- Food in Iceland (especially weird ones); rotten shark, lamb head terrine, the famous hotdog. I've not particular affinity for Icelandic cuisine (except that awesome tomato soup) but I do think you won't be able to find a lot of the cuisine anywhere else especially if you are not in Europe, so why not?

- Climb the Hallgimskirja especially in the evening, lovely view

- Go see the Geysirs and waterfalls

Tips:

- Be prepared to brave the weather. It's not horribly bad especially if you are well-acquainted with winters. Otherwise, it takes a bit of getting used to, and just tons of patience

- The Blue Lagoon Spa was alright for its price, I would recommend to go if you've never been in an outdoor hot springs, otherwise it can be pretty pricey

- If you are more adventurous, I would suggest NOT taking a package/tour, just get a car and explore. Spend time in National Parks, they really look gorgeous. Also, I've been told the South end of the island where there are black sand beaches are way more gorgeous than the city area.

Wandering and Wondering

So. I officially graduated again on 10th of January this year, a Masters this time round.
Looking back, much has been bumpy, even more have been blessings.
Someone once asked me "Why did I choose to do my masters?"
I said it was for experience, learn a different culture, increase my knowledge.
But I say that with doubts rising within me. Because honestly, I don't know why I wanted to do my Masters.
I just wanted to do it. And I get it's a privilege to get to do something you want to do.
Nevertheless, I find it largely challenging to describe the tangible benefits of taking this Masters. I've learn a lot, sometimes I think more than I bargain for. But I can't put a tangible worth on these lessons.
Thus, I find that a little troubling. Though a friend said that he wouldn't worry about me not being able to bring extra knowledge to the table, unless I'm a waitress, haha

So, was it worth it? My tendency for future-orientation makes me a person who is constantly trying to question something's worth, trust me, I'm working on it.
I must admit that there are times when I doubt whether taking this step was worth all the change that had happened. I do wonder about other possible paths.

Yet, at the end of all that wondering, I find it hard to be on the other possible paths. Whether it is a case of sunk cost fallacy, self-bias justification or protecting the ego, a small part of me felt this had to happen.
From the beginning where there were various obstacles in my application, to changes in relationships, to facing parts I try to forget, discovering parts I never knew and feeling like a new me yet still the same old me leaves me feeling absolutely surreal.

Ultimately if I really had to answer the question of worth, I would say 'Yes, it was' and smother it with tons of 'it depends' and a smidgen of strong conviction that I actually believe what I say is true.
A lot of people are starting to question the worth of getting degrees and papers that may not even reflect our true self, and question whether education institutions are even relevant to prepare the world for what reality has to show
I've always been a strong supported of education, partially influenced by my grandmother. And while it used to be defined narrowly by achievements and 'A's", in the recent years it had shifted to a perception of mastery.
I have not been an apprentice, so I don't know exactly how the learning process is to start low and slowly progress. I can agree though that it is significantly more practical that a pure college education.

Perhaps a tertiary education is as much the skills as the learning environment. To be put in the vicinity of opportunities to pursue knowledge may sometimes be all we need to actually learn something, if anything.
To a certain extent, I can see how tertiary education may be more suitable for some more than others. But call it conformity, peer pressure or the beauty of human relationships. Being around those who seek knowledge really does give an impact on your own pursuant of knowledge.
Again, it's not the "A's" or distinctions or first classes, it's knowledge of living as a better person.
Throughout my one year in UK, I've met so many different people in various situations simply because I'm pursuing my Masters degree.
People who teach me about Pancake Day, the experience of picking berries, celebrating Easter with eat-chocolate-whole day.
People who have done great things, start their own rebel business, commit themselves to social innovation, planning Christmas dinners.
I don't think any item on that list would look relevant on a career CV, but I think it's got a darn good place on my life CV if that is even sensible. Being a Masters student in UK gave me the passport to both study as a "typical" student and also the access to other life experiences I may not have gotten.

Those that ultimately shape me as a person. And this is my personal reminder should I ever decide to question the worth of my decisions, because honestly, worth itself may not be the most quantifiable term. So, if you have what it takes, and you can honestly give it a shot with an education overseas. Take that passport, and journey into different life experiences. Do it because you believe in it, and not especially because here is one extra blog post that encourage you. Think about what you can do with your passport, literally and metaphorically.

They say not all those who wander are lost, I think not all those who wonder are lost too. 

To my year of wandering and wondering, to my temporary home, UK, cheers!

and Hello, Malaysia, for more wandering and wondering.

It's Not What You Say, It's How You Say It.

Familiar statement? In my experience, the ladies in my life tend to use it against their men hahahahaha.

Read this.

I qualify my thoughts. A lot. It's like I have an imaginary 'backspace' button in my mind and I tap on it every time I formulate and verbalise my thoughts. As mentioned in the article, it can be a linguistic strategy to allow for input of other ideas - a key reason why I speak like how I speak.

However, in trying to cover all bases, it can make one's idea seem tentative and weak, at least according to the article. Recently as well, a thought bloomed and inspired by a conversation with a friend, speaking how I speak can also create the impression of one being impersonal. It's something that has never came upon me, but something so glaringly interesting.

I guess it boils down to sounding like a know-it-all and/or defensive. I mean, it really is a thin line between sounding like that and sounding informed. Plus, not being that straight-forward or beating round the bush does seem to magnify the lack of closeness in a relationship doesn't it?

So it does seem like more than what you say, it's how you say it that influences the perception of the receiver. While I don't suppose I'll do a major haul of my linguistic strategies just yet, I think this is one reminder that how we say something, can really make an impact on how the message gets through.

Delirium - Lauren Oliver

"I've been so used to thinking of what the borders are keeping out that I haven't considered that they're also penning us in" (pg.206)

And that's what emotions is like isn't it? You can't have the happiness without the pain; erasing risk of pain is killing the possibility of happiness. This book is pretty amazing. It has passionate love at its core, but I love its satire on humans' emotions. How we are so afraid of the negative emotions, we rather choose to be cured of it and not have a chance with positive emotions. How stability, order is preferred over the highs and lows that make life. 

It's a story about a girl, who met a boy who woke her up from her walking sleep, to open her eyes to the fears that were blinding her. Yes, they are 18 and yes it is corny. But it is sweet. Most people will be able to relate the passionate love(s) they had to the detailed descriptions of the story. I'm quite surprised that I managed to read that much detail (time to tackle Time Traveller's Wife perhaps) but I do like how she describe passionate first love down to a tat. Another aspect of the story that I like is the fictionalized world which makes up the context of the world these characters live in. Like how there is a book called 'The Safety, Health and Happiness Handbook, or the Book of Shhh' which is like a diagnostic manual for love as a disease, aptly named amor deliria nervosa. Pretty cool stuff huh? I like how it takes a jab at the current system of the world where we so prefer to categorize, to cure, to control - nice. 

But more than being a love story, like I mentioned earlier, its core tells about our discomfort with emotions. Without emotions, people are detached from their friends, even their own kids. That it becomes impossible to have meaningful conversations, and people who are "cured" from amor deliria nervosa can't even remember how it is like to comfort someone who is nervous. I'm guessing the story picks upon how passionate love can be so joyful yet also so painful that many people choose to be cured of it. Yet, our world is not just passionate love is it? It consists of the attachment to parents, friendship and even care for your dog. You can't take away passionate love and still expect to be attached to the rest. Question to ponder. Of course, passionate love is not the only type of love that exists between two people, but to bring it to the extent where you're paired up with a person based on your evaluation scores and to walk by the beach yet staring into distance? That kinda world freaks me a bit.

All in all, a wonderful book with relatable descriptions to life (I find myself nodding my head subconsciously, haha) and makes us wonder if getting rid of emotions is really a cure to happiness.

(Image source: http://cdni.condenast.co.uk/320x480/d_f/Delirium_gl_30nov1_320x480.jpg)

"Love, the deadliest of all deadly things: it kills you both when you have it and when you don't. 

But that isn't it exactly. 

The condemner and the condemned. The executioner, the blade; the last-minute reprieve; the gasping breath and the rolling sky above you and the thank you, thank you, thank you, God.

Love: it will kill you and save you, both." 

"That's when you really lose people, you know. When the pain passes"

"Love: a single word, a wispy thing, a word no bigger or longer than an edge. That's what it is; an edge, a razor. It draws up through the center of your life, cutting everything in two. Before and after. The rest of the world falls away on either side.

Before and after - and during, a moment no bigger or longer than an edge" (pg.269)

Behind the Screen VS In Front of People

One of the things I've been doing with all the time I've been blessed with the last few months is to take on some online courses. Partially for self-interest, partially to better my skills. And it was free, so all the better.
With Coursera, I took two courses; Social Network Analysis and A History of the World Since 1300. The format of it was a weekly lecture video, mini-assignments and then larger assignments that can span across weeks. This differs depending on the subject. On top of that, there are discussion forums between students and the lecturers. Also, with the Social Network Analysis class for example, it is made more interesting with extra videos speaking to network analysis experts (i.e. LinkedIn) just so students can further understand the application of the courses.

I enjoyed the courses very much, but I didn't finish the courses. Save for the holidays in between and a lack of discipline, what made me not finish them? Here are some factors I think affect a person's motivation to study an area.

Interest? Checked.

Convenience/ Accesibility? Checked.

Available support? Checked.

No financial concerns? Checked.

Reflecting on it, I think it might be because the lack of a learning environment. The not-used-to being in class with "so many people" around the world yet you are one learner behind the screen. Though there was all the time given in the world for you to take the discipline and do what you're interested in to do, not being in a class environment really does make a huge difference in my motivation. We all have different learning styles yet I think to be able to have a banter with someone(s) regarding something you've learnt really does keep one motivated and discipline. It could be replicated with the discussion forums, but in my opinion, still largely different, at least for me personally. To be able to see, feel, and realise that relationships are going on around you, to feel connections actually happening - connections between people, knowledge and each other - maybe that's the key.

Perhaps that is where the value of education lies. Making us, and to some extent forcing us to meet those we would not have met when you are behind a computer screen. It's possible to stay unknown a whole three years of undergraduate, but it is also significantly harder to do so. Harder to not notice the person that asks you a question, hard to not notice the person who seems to answer your question when you show a blur face.

There are so many exploitation to education nowadays (i.e. this video) and the education world is seeing significant good changes. We are all leveraging on technology to help make education more accessible and more holistic. Yet, are we helping the humanistic changes of it? Are our abilities to learn made easier due to all these technology or are convenience and accessibility overriding the true essence of learning between a teacher and student because of this real-time relationship?

I'm not sure. But I'm still willing to give it a shot. Have signed up for another course on Coursera - Personal Financial Planning, so let's hope I'll stick through this time. Let me know if you decide to join a course!

The Girl You Left Behind - Jojo Moyes

"That is why I don' t like having too much stuff. When i was in the shelter people was always nicking it. Didn't matter where you leave it - under your bed, in your locker - they'll wait till you was going out, and then they'd just take it. It got you so's you didn't want to go out, just for fear of of losing your stuff. Imagine that.
Imagine what?
What you lose. Just trying to hang on to a few bits."

I  am usually not the biggest fan of romance at the core of stories (Shopaholic ugh), but I really liked this one. While it covers the usual typical essence of romance stories - the guy you met out of the way, the girl dealing with vulnerability, them being challenged to trust each other and the likes. It also speaks about knowing what to hold on and let go, and most importantly when. 

The core of the story tells about a painting with a story from 100 years ago, and is told in parallel with how the painting affects another love story 100 years later (no they are not descendants of the painting's couple, which makes it more interesting). I like this parallel story telling thing. So it's essentially two different love stories in alignment with each other, this continuity style really rocks my socks. 

Compared to the other books I've been reading, I would consider this pretty light-hearted stuff. A much welcomed change really. I am also fond of stories where it emphasizes a certain stubbornness and strength in its female characters (projection? =P) and this was much reflected especially in the story of the painting's owner. The other theme I've noticed in the books I've been reading is the dilemma between standing your principles and values in times of desperation. And these are not sleazy people mind you; these are people who would fight their values to the bloody end. But when it comes to situations of extreme need, especially survival of those they love, everything becomes grey, and it think that got me thinking about our humanness. About how it is so easy for us to judge a person who has not keep to the values they promised, yet we have not been put in that same position which requires that amount of conflict. Maybe we would have made the same compromise.

Oh oh, and the story also reminds me of the chinese idiom "红颜薄命" (Hóngyán bómìng) which basically means, "pretty face, bad fate". Knowing the Chinese culture, we put, or at least try to put a reason to everything, whether or not it makes sense. Haha. In this story. the lady of the painting, Sophie reminds me exactly of this idiom - her pretty face brought her a bad fate, though it the end, it's hard to say whether the fate is bad or good, READ.

And I'm also wondering how many men can forgive their wife who has laid in bed with another men just to save his life?

(http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1339865124l/13637360.jpg)

"All that counts is truth McCaferty," he would say, just before the beer turned his conversation into blather. "Without it you are basically just juggling people's daft ideas," (pg 433)